


Catch Me

by blackrainbow



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-05 01:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1800544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrainbow/pseuds/blackrainbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“When I said, let’s break up,” a single tear fell down from his eyes. “He said okay.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Their Story

“Where is Yoochun Hyung?” Changmin opened the door and realized the man wasn’t there.

 

“Not coming.” Junsu got in to the choir room

 

“Huh? Why?” Changmin closed the door.

 

“Can we not talk about this?” Junsu clenched his jaw.

 

“Mm hm.” Changmin knew Junsu was really angry. There wasn’t just one or two times the couple had a fight.

 

Changmin didn’t know why they were still together.

 

Oh wait. He knew.

 

They loved each other.

 

But they _needed_ Yoochun. He played the piano. They couldn’t start without that man.

 

“Where’s Yoochun?” Jaejoong asked.

 

“Not coming.” Changmin said.

 

Jaejoong tsked and called Yoochun.

 

“Are you calling him?” Changmin whispered to Jaejoong.

 

“Of course! We can’t start without him.” Jaejoong answered.

 

“But-“ Changmin pointed to Junsu with his eyes.

 

“Well?”

 

Changmin rolled his eyes.

 

Yeah. He knew Jaejoong was right anyway. This couple would overcome this fight somehow. They always had.

 

 

*

 

 

“Hey…” Changmin put down his bag.

 

“Hi.” Yunho turned around to greet him with his warm smile. “So late today?” he was sitting on the floor, leaning to the sofa with his laptop on the coffee table.

 

“Uh huh. We have to wait for Yoochun to play the notes right and Junsu to sing the notes right…” Changmin lied on the sofa tiredly.

 

Yunho chuckled. “You must be hungry. I already order your favorite pizza.”

 

Changmin hummed. “You’re the best, Yunho.” He put his hand on Yunho’s shoulder.

 

“I know.” Yunho touched Changmin’s hand and kissed his palm.

 

Changmin’s hand absentmindedly roamed on Yunho’s neck and shoulder lightly. He stopped when the bell rang, and welcoming the pizza delivery.

 

 

*

 

 

“Changminniiiieee~~!!!!” Jaejoong ran to him from the opposite side of the corridor.

 

Changmin wanted to hide under the floor.

 

“Minnie! Gosh! I met her!” Jaejoong literally plopped on Changmin.

 

“Her who?” Changmin tried to ignore the whispering surroundings and stares.

 

“The girl I told you about!”

 

“Who?”

 

“Oh. So I haven’t told you?”

 

How Changmin regretted that. Now he had to listen to Jaejoong’s never ending story. But Changmin was a good listener. So he could catch some information through Jaejoong sudden excitement (“OH! Did I tell you she can carve woods?! She does!”) and his sudden anxiety (“Shit Min, I left my Hello Kity pen in the class! Should I- wait. Do you think that borrowing-pen excuse can work for me to talk to her?”) that this girl, was younger than them and could play a piano. And carve woods.

 

“Hyung. Your class is to the left.” Changmin stopped him.

 

“But I haven’t finish-“

 

“You can talk to Yunho Hyung, then.” Changmin pushed Jaejoong to the other side.

 

Jaejoong pouted. “Yunho is-“

 

“Bye!” Changmin turned to the right and enter his class. Junsu was already there. He sat next to him.

 

“Hey, Min.” Junsu smiled at him.

 

He didn’t look that sad, but not that happy either. So had he and Yoochun made up yet?

 

“Yoochun apologized to me this morning…” mumbled Junsu.

 

Changmin didn’t know what the problem was but he didn’t ask anyway. “And?”

 

“Yeah… but it’s still a little…”

 

Changmin waited.

 

Junsu’s phone vibrated on the table and he took it and read the message. He smiled.

 

“It’s Yoochun Hyung?” Changmin asked.

 

“Yeah…” Junsu was replying and smiled shyly.

 

“Ooookay…” Changmin leaned back to his chair, assumed that their problem already solved.

 

And felt grateful that his relationship with Yunho weren’t as complicated as theirs.

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin enjoyed the lyric writing session too much. Jonghyun even tried to put melodies into his words, and they made a song together.

 

“Oh? It’s 11 already!” Changmin said as he looked at the clock. “Shit. Yunho must be waiting for me. I should go home now, Jonghyun-ah.”

 

“Okay, Hyung.” Jonghyun nodded.

 

“What about you?” Changmin wore his jacket.

 

“I’ll just finish this one.” He smiled.

 

“Well, then. See you tomorrow!” Changmin waved and got out from the music room. He checked his phone, and he got a missed call from Yunho, and a text from him. He decided to call his boyfriend. “Yunho-yah!”

 

“Oh, Min, where are you?”

 

Changmin grinned to himself as he heard Yunho sounded worry. “I was with Jonghyun. We wrote song together. Didn’t realize time went by.”

 

“Do you want me to pick you up?”

 

Changmin chuckled, “I’m not 7, Yunho.”

 

“Well…”

 

“And I’ll be home in no time. You’re not sleeping yet?”

 

“No. Hey, are you hungry? Do you want me to order something?”

 

“No, it’s okay.”

 

Later, Changmin found Yunho in the lobby of their apartment, waiting for him. They were holding hands and walked to the elevator together. Changmin took a shower, and Yunho waited for him in their bed.

 

“Why aren’t you sleeping yet?” Changmin asked, pulled the blanket to cover their body.

 

“Of course I’m waiting for you.” Yunho turned off the bedside lamp.

 

Changmin smiled. “But you know that I’ll be home, right?”

 

“Sure.” Yunho kissed Changmin’s cheek, and Changmin turned his face to give him a kiss on his lips. “And I can’t sleep without you anyway.”

 

Changmin squeezed himself in Yunho’s embrace. “Silly.” He could feel Yunho’s body shaking a little from the laugh the older man let out from his mouth.

 

“Sleep, baby.”

 

Yunho’s breath calmed his mind and his heartbeat was a lullaby for him.

 

And actually Changmin couldn’t sleep without Yunho either.

 

 

*

 

 

Junsu refused but Changmin could see his tongue entered Yoochun’s mouth.

 

“Guys, stop it!”

 

Junsu’s hands were on Yoochun’s shoulder, pushing him weakly (or not pushing at all), but Yoochun’s hands were around him, tried to pull him closer.

 

“Yah!” Changmin hit Yoochun’s head with his notebook.

 

They were in the park, having their lunch. The other students were busy with their activities, but there wasn’t a few who were stealing glances to the couple.

 

“Yoochun-ah!” Junsu said in the midst of their kissing. “Sto-“

 

But Yoochun blocked Junsu with his mouth.

 

Junsu laughed into their kiss, but finally, pushed his boyfriend for real.

 

“Okay.” Yoochun restrained himself, but then gave Junsu another peck on his lips.

 

“What the fuss is about?” Jaejoong asked, he took the seat next to Junsu. “Doesn’t matter. By the way, Minnie-yah, do you remember the girl I talked to you about?”

 

Changmin didn’t really remember. But if he said no, he had to listen to the whole story, which he knew would be long, because even a short simple event could be a longer story than a human revolution if it came out from Jaejoong’s mouth. So, he said “Yeah.”

 

“He’s in the same class with Yunho!”

 

Changmin turned to look at his boyfriend, who was sitting next to him, stole his orange juice.

 

“She’s a rapper.” Yunho said.

 

“Isn’t it sooo, friggin cool?!” Jaejoong asked excitedly.

 

Junsu looked confused. “Wait, Hyung, who is this girl you-“

 

“Stop, no, Hyung don’t ask-“ Changmin tried to stop him. But he was too late.

 

So Jaejoong told them the whole story. Again. From their first met, which Changmin said wasn’t really a meeting, when it was only Jaejoong creeping from a window, peeping to a girl who was shopping in his usual place.

 

“And she carves woods! Did I tell you that she can-“

 

“Yes, you did, Hyung.” Changmin cut, tried to make the story fast. But of course he didn’t succeed.

 

“I don’t know if you like girls, Hyung?” Yoochun asked, lifted his eyebrows.

 

“My oh my, Chunnie, listen to my story! She’s everything but an ordinary girl!”

 

“Do you think Jaejoong is in love with this girl?” Changmin whispered to Yunho.

 

Yunho gave him a strange look. But then he realized that Changmin wasn’t joking, and waiting for his answer. “That… can be possible.”

 

Yoochun left because he had to give piano lessons to kids in the neighborhood, and Changmin thought he was really lucky that he could get away from this.

 

“Okay Hyung, so I have a question.” Junsu raised his hand.

 

Jaejoong nodded, gave him permission as he drank the water bottle Yoochun left behind. No doubt his throat was dry.

 

“Who is this girl you’re talking about?”

 

“Junsu! Don’t you listen to my story?” Jaejoong asked back.

 

“I do, Hyung! But you didn’t mention her name even once.”

 

Jaejoong frowned.

 

“So I see you haven’t know her name, right?” Changmin asked.

 

“Amber,” Yunho answered. “Jaejoong likes Amber.”

 

“Yes. That wonderful, glorious, fantastic girl of mine,” Jaejoong eyes were sparkling.

 

Junsu blinked. “But Hyung,” he said, “she’s Yoochun’s sister.”

 

Changmin gaped.

 

“That could be… another Amber, right?” Jaejoong stuttered.

 

“How many Amber are there in our school, you think?” Changmin said.

 

“Yep, that one. Jaejoong likes Yoochun’s little sister.” Yunho wrapped it up.

 

“Yun, why don’t you tell him that she’s Yoochun’s sister?!” Changmin nudged Yunho’s shoulder.

 

“Do you think I can tell him that when he was talking nonstop like just now?” Yunho replied.

 

Jaejoong looked dazed.

 

There wasn’t just once or twice Yoochun complained about the boys who were trying to get closer to his baby sister. Their parents were divorced and they stayed with their mom. Yoochun wasn’t just a brother, but a father to her. He was a bit overprotective, but nobody could blame him. Not when he had that much responsibilities on his shoulder.

 

That first time Changmin saw Yoochun looked so furious was when he was cursing about “That stupid son of a bitch can just suck my dick! Does he think my sister is a whore! What a stupid, fucking idiot bastard! Gosh, I really gonna crush his face and pull out his heart out from his throat and-“

“Chunnie, Chunnie, come on. They’re just kids,” Jaejoong tried to calm him at that time.

“Shut the fuck up, Jae! Don’t you dare to fucking lecture me! Do you know what happened? Do you? Well, you don’t! So don’t you dare to fucking stand on his side!”

 

“Well, but… Hyung. It’s… just… a crush? Right? Maybe?” Junsu let out an awkward laugh after seeing Jaejoong was still. He exchanged looks with Yunho and Changmin.

 

“Yeah… and… you and Yoochun are friends. Maybe he’ll be cool about it.” Changmin added.

 

But Jaejoong said nothing.

 

 

*

 

 

“When will Yunho be home?” Jaejoong asked. He was sitting in their couch, munching chocolate he bought from the minimarket. Changmin was alone in the apartment, Yunho had a dance practice that night.

 

“10 the earliest.” Changmin sat next to him, took the remote from his hand. “Hyung, are you really serious about Amber?”

 

Jaejoong didn’t answer.

 

“Hyung?” Changmin looked at him.

 

Jaejoong didn’t look back, he was staring at the tv. “I don’t know Min. I’ve never felt like this before. So I don’t know.”

 

The answer somehow scared Changmin. The impact it would bring to their friendship.

 

“And I know about Yoochun too, you know. I mean… surely he won’t let me near his sister.” Jaejoong shrugged. “A playboy. Partygoer. Smoker. What could be worse.”

 

“You could be worse.” Changmin replied.

 

Jaejoong laughed. And Changmin laughed too.

 

“But Hyung, Yoochun’s smoking too, you know. And he’s your drinking buddy.”

 

“Well. Don’t every brother, no matter how bad he is, wants the best for his sister.” Jaejoong said. “Which, will never be me.”

 

“Then… what are you going to do?”

 

“I don’t know, Min. I don’t know. Maybe I’m serious. Maybe I’m just curious. Maybe it’ll fade away.”

 

It was one of the rare time Changmin pitied Jaejoong. “I don’t understand. I mean, you’ve been friends with Yoochun for how long, and you hang out with him a lot! How come you don’t know that she’s his sister?”

 

“Well I’m too busy to make him happy, okay! Because it’s just sad seeing him so tired from working all day, helping his mother, delivering newspapers in the morning and working in a restaurant after school. His dark circles were darker than my eyeliner!”

 

Changmin scoffed.

 

“How about you and Yunho, huh? I mean… you’ve been together for… five years? How did you feel at first?” Jaejoong asked, looking at the younger.

 

“Four years. “Changmin corrected. “Well… you know it’s not love at first sight.” he lifted his shoulder.

 

“Heh. Sure.” Jaejoong replied sarcastically, rolled his eyes.

 

“Okay, I admire him,” Changmin admitted. “As a very wonderful person. It wasn’t like… I want to date him, have sex with him or something… I thought I could get my special someone, with him and his special someone. But turns out that we belong to each other.” Changmin smiled.

 

Jaejoong looked at him judgingly. “You’re disgustingly in love.”

 

“Yeah,” Changmin replied. “I’m disgustingly in love.”

 

 

 


	2. An Ending is the Beginning

Changmin found out that Yunho got an offer for a student exchange from Junsu.

 

“Eunhyuk told me. Yunho Hyung is very lucky!” Junsu said excitedly.

 

 Junsu was going to see Yoochun after the pianist finished teaching piano to the neighborhood kids, but he met Changmin who accompanied Jaejoong in the café.

 

“Why, I don’t know Yunho is that smart.” Jaejoong said, took his coffee from the counter and they walked outside.

 

“Well, it’s for those who have lots of achievements in dancing. You know Yunho Hyung had won lots of dance competition.” Junsu said.

 

“But California? Isn’t that really far?” Jaejoong asked.

 

“Hyung, it’s Los Angeles, not California!” Junsu replied.

 

Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “Well isn’t LA in California?”

 

Changmin didn’t respond, he was too busy staring at his phone. Waiting. Why Yunho didn’t tell him about it dammit. Not a single call, or just simply a text.

 

“Six months? You mean, like a semester? That’s a very long- wait, Changmin-ah, where are you going?” Jaejoong asked as Changmin walked away.

 

“Home,” Changmin didn’t stop but just turned his head to the side to answer the question, and went to his apartment.

 

Their apartment wasn’t far from the university. And when he arrived, Yunho wasn’t there. He didn’t have dance practice in Wednesday, so Yunho should be home earlier.

 

But still. It was only 1 pm. The classes usually finished at 5. Changmin held the urge to crush his phone in his hand. He knew he could contact Yunho. He knew he could just simply call him. Or text him. Or-

 

“Oh, Changminnie, you’re here?”

 

Changmin forgot to breath. His fist clenched tight.

 

“You’ve finished your class? I forgot my book so I-“

 

“You’re going?” Changmin asked abrubtly.

 

Yunho stopped searching in his messy pile of books. He turned and looked at his lover.

 

“Are you going for that student exchange?” Changmin asked again, hated how his voice trembled already. “Why don’t you tell me?”

 

Yunho shrugged. “Because I’m not sure yet.”

 

“It’s dancing. Of course you wanna do that.” Changmin said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly.

 

“It’s not like I’m hiding it from you, Min.” Yunho tried to explain. “I really want to talk about this but I gotta go.”

 

Changmin wanted to touch him. Wanted to make sure that no, they weren’t fighting. They weren’t fighting although he could feel the heat of the boiling anger in his gut. But Changmin was nailed in his spot and Yunho didn’t walk closer to him either to give him a kiss on his forehead like he usually did before he went.

 

Yunho left the apartment with his book.

 

 

*

 

 

Yoochun asked for a cigarette when they were outside the building and Jaejoong gave him one. “Out of stock?” Jaejoong asked.

 

“Junsu hates me smoking.” Yoochun said, burned the edge of the cigarette. “Tried to stop, but kinda hard.”

 

“Then you shouldn’t stop at all.” Jaejoong exhaled the white smoke.

 

“He doesn’t ask me to stop either. But I can see it from his face.” Yoochun said. “I just want to do something for him.”

 

Jaejoong hummed. Didn’t understand this kind of couple thingy but said nothing.

 

“Oppa, hello,” a girl with long black hair gave a bow to Yoochun. “Oh, hello, sunbae-nim,” she bowed to Jaejoong after she noticed he was there.

 

“Hello,” Yoochun smiled to her. “Going home?”

 

“Yeah,” she said. “Amber is still in the music room, I think.”

 

“Okay. See you.” Yoochun said. “Be careful.”

 

“Yes, see you, Oppa.” She waved to him and left.

 

“You know her?” Jaejoong asked.

 

“My sister’s friend. She visited our home quite often.” Yoochun said, flicked the cigarette and the dust fell off.

 

Jaejoong’s eyes followed the dust to the ground. “You have a sister, huh,” he tried to say casually. Tried not to bring suspicion.

 

Yoochun scoffed. “I can’t believe you forgot about that!”

 

Jaejoong let out a laugh. “Just want to make sure.”

 

Yoochun nodded. “Amber.”

 

“Right.” Jaejoong cleared his throat. He wanted to look at a mirror so he could control his expression as well. “How is she?”

 

“She… likes rapping. Pretty good at it, I think.” Yoochun said.

 

Jaejoong bit his lip, tried not to scream out; ‘my Amber likes to rap gooooosshh how cool is that? “Boyfriend, no?” Jaejoong’s heart started to pound for silly reason.

 

“She’s into girl, I guess.”

 

Jaejoong almost choked on his cigarette.

 

Yoochun didn’t realize that.

 

“That… that girl just now… her girlfriend?” Jaejoong asked.

 

Yoochun shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe not.”

 

“Hahaha…” Jaejoong’s laugh was empty.

 

“Maybe yes.” Yoochun continued.

 

 

*

 

 

Yunho shouldn’t have gone. Changmin wasn’t home after his classes finished. The younger had his choir practice that day, and like usual, he patiently waited. And once Changmin got home, he was all damn tired and everything that disturbed his mind angered him tenfold.

 

“You hungry? I can make you sandwich.” Yunho offered.

 

Changmin shook his head and sat on the sofa. Face gloomy.

 

“Tired?” Yunho asked again, sat next to him.

 

Changmin wished he would sit closer. “I want to talk.”

 

“Sure.” Yunho secretly liked this side of Changmin. How the younger let out their problems, not to keep it in their heart, made them both frustrated. It was better to talk it out. But still, at times, it scared Yunho all the same. The serious talk could lead to many serious things.

 

“Are you going for that student exchange?” Changmin didn’t dare to look at his lover. So he looked straight emptily to the wall in front of him.

 

“The form is due next week.” Yunho said.

 

“But still, you have to make the decision.” Changmin hated how Yunho didn’t answer right away. “Now.” Changmin added.

 

Yunho said nothing.

 

“Are you going?” Changmin hated how much he already said that same question.

 

“It’s eight months.” Yunho stated. Not answering Changmin’s question, but gave him the reason why he didn’t answer rightaway.

 

Changmin got a shock, and he finally looked at the older man. “Junsu said it’s only for a semester!”

 

“They saw my video… want me to stay longer. And they said they’re looking forward for recruitment.” Yunho said. “That’s why I couldn’t make the decision that easy.”

 

“You mean… you’re gonna stay there?” Changmin’s tone went slower and quieter. And he disliked the fact of how weak he sounded.

 

“I don’t know yet, Changmin.” Yunho’s elbows were rested on his thigh, face in his palms.

 

“But… it’s something you always want, right?” Changmin’s tone was flat.

 

“It’s a very great opportunity, yes.” Yunho replied.

 

Changmin wanted to support Yunho. _Take it, Yunho. Go catch your dreams_. He just couldn’t say those words. But he couldn’t ask him to stay. He didn’t want to admit that he was afraid Yunho would leave him. But he didn’t want to be the clingy boyfriend who interfered with Yunho’s big dream.

 

And he was a coward for holding himself to say, _don’t leave. Don’t leave me Yunho._

 

“What you gonna do, then?” Changmin asked, voice small.

 

“I…”

 

“Have you called your parents?”

 

“Just now. But you know my father. And my mother said that I should do whatever I want to do.”

 

Changmin bit his lip. “So what is your decision?”

 

“Aren’t you gonna say something about it?” Yunho looked at his lover.

 

Changmin couldn’t look back. “What do you want me to say?”

 

“Whatever you want to say. Say it.” Yunho said desperately, somehow begging. For his lover to say something.

 

Changmin’s hands were cold. “I think your mother’s right.” His lips felt dry. “It’s your life anyway. You’re the one who have the right to make the decision.”

 

Silence fell between them.

 

“What about you then?” Yunho’s eyes were soft and he looked tired.

 

“What about me?” Changmin repeated slowly.

 

“What about us?”

 

 

*

 

 

“He didn’t say anything!” Changmin wiped his unstoppable disgusting snot.

 

“Then why did you ask to break up at the first place?” Junsu asked patiently, gave the younger another tissue.

 

“Because it’s a fucking long distance relationship and you know it’s hard! It won’t work for us! And what if he should stay there longer? Then I can’t see him anymore!” Changmin said between his sobs.

 

“But you can try to work it out, right? You don’t know yet, Min,” Junsu said, rubbed Changmin’s back to calm him down.

 

“But you see, Hyung? He didn’t even ask for it! He didn’t ask to try! He didn’t want to keep our relationship!” Changmin crushed the tissue in his hand.

 

Junsu didn’t know what to say. He stood in front of the younger who was crying, tried to block him just in case somebody got in that empty class. Changmin was sitting on the table, his tall body shook with every sob.

 

Changmin denied regretting his decision to break up. It took two in a relationship. If he said they should break up, and Yunho agreed, then well, they should end it. But, Yunho didn’t stop him from ending it, dammit! It wasn’t his fault giving up! It wasn’t his fault _only_. Changmin didn’t want to work hard in this relationship alone, if Yunho didn’t want to give a try on them.

 

After a while, Changmin was calm enough but his eyes were red and he looked away to the window. “He said okay.”

 

“What?” Junsu looked at the younger man confusedly.

 

“When I said, let’s break up,” a single tear fell down from his doe eyes. “He said okay.”

 

 

*

 

 

“What are you doing here?” Jaejoong asked once he opened door.

 

Yunho said nothing but got in his apartment.

 

“Why you here?” Jaejoong asked again. “It’s 6 in the morning, Yunho! You interrupt my beauty sleep…” he laid on the bed and pulled the cover.

 

Yunho turned off the lamps. Jaejoong said nothing and Yunho thought that he was sleeping.

 

But he wasn’t. “Ya, what happened?” his voice was sleepy.

 

Yunho took a seat on the chair near to the bed. “I broke up with Changmin.”

 

It was silent for quite a moment.

 

“So I need you to let me stay here. At least until I go to LA.”

 

“… okay.”

 

“Thank you, Jae.” Yunho really felt grateful that Jaejoong didn’t patronize him with questions. Maybe the man was still sleepy.

 

“Don’t mention it.” Jaejoong shifted in his bed, tried to find a comfier position to continue his sleeping. “Yun,”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“LA is in California, right?”

 

 

*

 

 

It was awkward because they were always together. But Yunho started to avoid them when they were with Changmin. And when the younger saw Yunho was with Junsu or Yoochun or Jaejoong, he didn’t come to them.

 

Yunho took his things when Changmin was still in his campus. He texted him and Changmin deleted it after reading.

 

And Changmin hated, hated it that he couldn’t sleep without Yunho. How he still could smell the older man’s scent when he wasn’t there. The bed was empty and cold and Changmin cried at night. He changed the sheet the next day. Along with the pillow. And his shampoo and soap they used to share together. Although peach was Changmin’s favorite scent and Yunho just agreed along with it, he absentmindedly changed them to strawberry. But then Changmin remembered Yunho loved strawberry.

 

He took the vanilla scent.

 

Yunho was the one who turned off the alarm clock and woke him up. The older would take a shower while Changmin made the breakfast. And Changmin couldn’t hate himself more when he made two cups of coffee.

 

What the fuck Shim.

 

Changmin didn’t cry anymore. He forbid himself to, after Junsu casually asked Jaejoong.

 

“Did Yunho Hyung say something about the break up?”

“No.”

 

In the other hand, Changmin had cried his eyes out in front of Junsu.

 

And he convinced himself, that it was nice to have the place for himself. He didn’t have to clean after the older man’s mess. He didn’t have to cook for two meals. He just realized how burdensome it was to take care of another person when you were struggling with your life.

 

 

*

 

 

“He’s leaving today,” Jaejoong said.

 

Changmin pretended like he didn’t hear that and continued to copy the paragraph from the book in the library.

 

“I’m talking to you.”

 

“I know.” Changmin said, hands were still busy. “There’s nobody else in here.”

 

“Yoochun and Junsu drove him to the airport.”

 

Changmin said nothing. Junsu told him that Yunho moved to his house for the last week before he went to LA. Yunho used to stay in Junsu’s anyway. The Kim’s family knew him well and liked him so much, couldn’t be happier when Yunho was there. And when Changmin said nothing about his ex lover, Junsu didn’t talk about him anymore. He didn’t tell Changmin when Yunho would leave.

 

“Wanna go and say goodbye?” Jaejoong asked.

 

“What about you?” Changmin asked.

 

“I already have. We had a little farewell party yesterday night.”

 

Changmin didn’t get the invitation. Well of course he didn’t.

 

“Do you want to go?” Jaejoong asked again. “You won’t see him for a while, Min.”

 

Changmin stopped writing.

 

Yunho sent him a text last night. Changmin deleted it right away, didn’t bother to read. He didn’t want Yunho to enter his mind anymore. He tried so hard pushing him out, how could he easily walked in and hurt his heart again? Changmin didn’t want to waver for him.

 

“You’re not gonna miss him?” Jaejoong asked. “I miss him already.”

 

 

*

 

 

“You sure you’ve bring everything, Hyung?” Junsu asked as they arrived in the airport.

 

“Pretty sure.” Yunho said, pulled his luggage. “Just ship me the cd player okay.”

 

“Okay,” Junsu nodded. “Jae Hyung isn’t coming?”

 

“He said he’ll come.” Yoochun checked his phone.

 

“Oh! Is that my flight?” Yunho asked, and three of them were listening to the caller.

 

“Ah, that’s yours, Hyung.” Yoochun said after he checked Yunho’s flight ticket.

 

“Okay, then. I should be going now.” Yunho sighed. “I’m gonna miss you, guys.” He hugged Junsu and Yoochun.

 

“Me too, Hyung,” Yoochun patted Yunho’s back. “Don’t get into a fight there, okay. The fact that you’re from Gwangju won’t impress them.” He teased.

 

“Yeah, I bet they don’t know where Gwangju is.” Yunho rolled his eyes. “Bye, Chun-ah. Please take care of our Junsu.”

 

“Of course, Hyung.”

 

They hugged one last time before Yunho walked away and waved to them.

 

“Don’t forget to contact us, okay!” Junsu said.

 

Yunho gave his thumb up, and smiled before gone to the boarding room.

 

“Why’s Jaejoong not coming?” Junsu asked as they walked back to their car.

 

“Don’t know… he said he’ll be here.” Yoochun said. “Let’s have a cup of coffee first before leaving.”

 

Junsu pouted.

 

“I know you’re eyeing this cheesecake when we walked in.” Yoochun brought them to a café.

 

“But you know I’m on diet.” Junsu said, but let Yoochun paid for his cheesecake anyway.

 

“That’s why I only buy one. So we can share and you only eat half.” Yoochun said.

 

But in the end Yoochun let Junsu ate it all, felt content seeing his boyfriend happily munch the cake, a quiet melodious hum came out when he wasn’t busy eating.

 

Junsu fed him the last spoon and they exchanged a smile.

 

“Where’s Yunho?”

 

They looked up to the person who just came.

 

“He had left for a while. Where were you, Hy- Min!” Yoochun didn’t expect to see the younger man behind Jaejoong.

 

“He left?” Jaejoong’s eyes widened.

 

“Yeah, like… thirty minutes ago.” Yoochun stood up from his seat. “Why are you so late?”

 

Jaejoong silently gave a glance to Changmin.

 

Yoochun understood and looked at Junsu, who was biting his lip nervously. “So… uhm, Min…”

 

“It’s okay.” Changmin said. “He left. So what.”

 

Jaejoong looked around. “He really left, right? He won’t… dramatically show up from-“

 

Yoochun gave Jaejoong a glare to shut him up.

 

“Right. It’s only on movies.” Jaejoong nodded. “So… should we go home now, Min?”

 

“Can I-“ Changmin’s breath hitched and he cleared his throat. “Go to the bathroom first.”

 

 

*

 

 

_changmin ah, i’ll be leaving tomorrow at 11. just wanna say goodbye :)_

_please be healthy, take care of urself well & ur clumsy hyungs ^^_

_wish me luck, min_ _♥_

_Send to: Shim Changmin_

_22.03_

 

Yunho read his text one last time, sighed as he typed another message to the same person.

 

_i’m leaving now… goodbye min_

 

Yunho was staring emptily to his phone, before finally deleted the message, turned off his phone and boarded the plane.

 

 


	3. Julien

“Hello, Jaejoong-sshi,”

 

He wanted to tell her to call him Oppa. Or Darling, for better. “Hello, Amber.”

 

Junsu looked at him and he silently poked Jaejoong’s back because the man was staring to Yoochun’s sister, made her uncomfortable.

 

Jaejoong almost screamed when Junsu pinched him, and he came back to earth but then he realized he was on earth already. But why there was angel in front of him? Damn, he wished he didn’t say that. Wait, he was grateful he didn’t say that.

 

“Hyung? You’re not coming upstairs?” Yoochun’s deep voice succeeded in waking him up.

 

“No! Yes! I-“ Jaejoong looked away. “I will. In a minute. Your garden is so beautiful.”

 

Yoochun and Junsu exchanged a look. “Hyung. We’re in the 16th level of the apartment.” Yoochun said instead of saying; there was no freaking garden.

 

“I’m gonna bring some snack.” Jaejoong said as he walked to the door.

 

“But my mom is cooking us lunch!” Yoochun said from the stairs.

 

“Then I’m going to help her.” Jaejoong walked to the kitchen. “Hi, Mrs Park! How can I help you?”

 

Yoochun gave up on Jaejoong and went upstairs with Junsu.

 

“Oh, Jaejoong-ah, you’re pretty good at cooking…” Mrs Park said as Jaejoong made a perfect eggroll.

 

“I enjoy it,” Jaejoong said as he sliced the egg carefully.

 

“Oh, how I wish Amber could cook like you.”

 

Jaejoong laughed. “She can’t cook?”

 

“She never cooks.” Mrs Park was cooking the soup.

 

“Then she should meet someone who can cook, Aunty.” Jaejoong said. It’s me! It’s me! I can cook!

 

The meal was ready and Mrs Park called them to gather in the dining room. Yoochun went into Amber’s room to call her, and Jaejoong caught a glimpse of her laying on her bed with blue sheet. Quickly diverted his eyes when she went out from her room.

 

“Delicious!” Amber said as she tasted the beef.

 

“Jaejoong cooked that.” Mrs Park said. “And the eggrolls too.”

 

Junsu and Yoochun said nothing since they ate Jaejoong’s cooking pretty often.

 

“It’s very nice,” Amber said after she tried the eggrolls.

 

Junsu could practically saw hearts came out from Jaejoong’s eyes and the older man’s face was blushing.

 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Mrs Park said, put more food on Junsu’s plate.

 

Yoochun laughed at his sister.

 

“You too, Yoochun.”

 

The siblings exchanged a mischievous smiled with their full cheeks. Jaejoong’s hands were itching to pinch that chipmunks cheeks. On Amber, of course. Not Yoochun.

 

“You too, should learn to cook, Amber.” Mrs Park said, slurped the soup elegantly. “Who will marry you if you can’t cook…”

 

“I volunteer!” Jaejoong said.

 

Junsu kicked him under the table.

 

“To wash the dishes!” Jaejoong continued. He looked at Mrs Park so he wouldn’t have to see Amber’s expression.

 

He was so dead.

 

“Oh, don’t trouble yourself, Jaejoong-ah.” Mrs Park patted his hand. “You’ve helped me to cook.”

 

“Yeah. Junsu will do it.” Yoochun nuzzled his boyfriend’s cheek. “Okay, Junsu?”

 

“Okay!” Junsu hi-fived Yoochun.  But then looking warily at Jaejoong who was stealing some glance to Yoochun’s sister.

 

But lucky for him (and not so lucky for Jaejoong), Amber came back to her room and Jaejoong chatted with Mrs Park. Junsu could only hope his Hyung wouldn’t say or do something stupid again.

 

“Jaejoong Hyung looks strange today.” Yoochun said as he dried the plate Junsu just rinsed.

 

“Ah…” Junsu tilted his head. “He’s always strange anyway.”

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin laughed as he read the text from Junsu.

 

“What?” Kyuhyun asked.

 

Changmin reached for his game controller. “He said I’m lucky I didn’t go to Yoochun Hyung’s house. Jae Hyung is embarrassing himself.”

 

Kyuhyun laughed. “What happened?”

 

“He’s always been strange anyway.”

 

Kyuhyun chuckled. “By the way, there’s this girl I want to introduce to you.”

 

Changmin gulped his beer.

 

Kyuhyun looked at him and paused the game.

 

It had been three months since he broke up with Yunho.

 

Three months in empty bed. Three months for eavesdropping Junsu, Jaejoong, and Yoochun’s conversation, if they were talking about Yunho. Three months of secretly waiting for any call, any messages. Three months of stalking Yunho in his social media. Three months of watching Yunho’s dancing video when no one noticed.

 

Three months he had been hoping for something. Something he didn’t know.

 

Changmin said nothing, so Kyuhyun took his phone and showed him a photo of a girl, Kyuhyun girlfriend’s bestfriend.

 

“Isn’t she pretty?”

 

Changmin couldn’t say anything, so he just nodded.

 

“What do you think?”

 

“I’m having a great time being single.” Changmin said, drank his beer again.

 

Kyuhyun just looked at him while Changmin paid no attention. “… very well. Okay, then.”

 

Changmin kinda regretted that he refused Kyuhyun’s offer to spend the night together, watching dvds and drinking wine. Because it felt so lonely at night and

 

“Changminnie, have you eat something? Do you want me to order pizza or chicken?”

“Min, you look tired. What happened today?”

“Come here, Min-ah, let me dry your hair.”

“Min, are you sleeping yet? Can I turn off the lamp now?”

“Goodnight, Changmin. I love you.”

 

And Yunho would stay overnight with him when he still had tasks to be finished. Quietly massaged Changmin’s feet and damn, Yunho was so good at massaging. And even when the man was tired, he’d sleep on the sofa, facing him who was struggling with his laptop. Sometimes, Changmin felt content seeing Yunho’s angelic sleeping face and forgot to wake him up and ended up sleeping in that spot.

 

But then he’d wake up warm and comfortable in his bed, his body covered with the fluffy blanket and Yunho would leave a note stuck to the alarm clock. His messy writing made Changmin smiled.

 

_rise & shine minnie~~♥ breakfast is on the table, don’t forget to eat X9_

_c u at lunch ^^v_

Changmin didn’t know how long he had been frozen in his spot. And he slowly unlacing his shoes, didn’t bother to arrange it and leave them just like that, felt a bit reluctant to enter his own apartment.

 

Because no matter where he looked, the memories he made with Yunho was everywhere.

 

 

*

 

 

“Who’s that?” Jaejoong asked to Junsu who was resting in the dance practice room.

 

“Kai.” Junsu answered. “That kid from student exchange.”

 

“He exchange with Yunho, you mean?” Jaejoong asked again.

 

Junsu nodded. “I believe so.”

 

That made Changmin turned his head to see the kid. He was surely younger than them. Quite flexible seeing how he could stretch well.

 

“He’s good?” Jaejoong asked.

 

“I’ve seen him ballet.” Junsu lifted his shoulder. “He’s good.”

 

“Why he doesn’t look like American?” Jaejoong asked curiously.

 

“He’s Korean and went to study in America. His academy send him here because they think it’d be easier for him who’s actually Korean to go back to his country. He know basic Korean language and the culture too…” Yoochun said, brought water for Junsu.

 

“How do you know?” Jaejoong took the water bottle before Junsu drank it.

 

“My sister is in the same class with him.” Yoochun said, snatched the bottle and gave it to his lover again.

 

Jaejoong snorted and Yoochun looked at him suspiciously. “There’s something in my nose.”

 

 

*

 

 

It was Yoochun’s and Junsu’s anniversary and Changmin did anything to cover his jealousy to the couple. He knew the date by heart and Jaejoong asked if he wanted to buy a gift for them.

 

“If they had a kid he’d enter elementary school this year.” Jaejoong said, looking though couple clothes.

 

Changmin hummed. “It’s a very long time indeed.”

 

“This is boring. Should we buy them condom instead?” Jaejoong sighed. “Or we shouldn’t. Don’t we want them to have a little baby- shit Min! It’s her! It’s her!”

 

“Eh? Who?” Changmin looked around confusedly.

 

 

There was only one person could make Jaejoong like this.

 

“Is she with a guy? Is that her boyfriend?” Jaejoong narrowed his eyes. “Why are they looked happy together? Ah! Are they holding hands?”

 

Changmin didn’t see them holding hands but he could see Amber slapped the boy’s arm playfully and they were laughing happily. Well, maybe it was his boyfriend, but Changmin didn’t really care. Jaejoong, in the other hand, was more than care and kind of following them around and Changmin finally bought the gift himself.

 

Two tumblers with a picture of Mickey Mouse playing soccer. He thought he was a genius.

 

Jaejoong was still nowhere in sight so Changmin was wandering from shop to shop and remembered Minho’s offer to join the soccer practice twice a week. And well, Junsu was the captain anyway, and he thought it was better busying himself out there than moping around helplessly in the apartment alone.

 

So he decided to buy new sport shoes, since the old one was… did he ever have one? Or he usually wore Yunho’s running shoes?

 

Changmin shook his head to clear his mind from the his ex lover and started searching. It’s bloody expensive, Changmin thought. He had been wondering around for a while and hadn’t found the right shoes.

 

“Can I help you?”

 

There was this man and he was taller than him and handsome and Changmin’s eyes automatically read the nametag: Julien. “I’m looking for a pair of shoes.”

 

He smiled.

 

Changmin smiled back. But then quickly turned his gaze back to the wall of shoes, felt somehow embarrassed. And when Julien helped him to untie his chosen shoes, they face were a bit too close and Changmin could see the man blushing.

 

 

*

 

 

They went to Japan for their third anniversary in spring.

 

Because Yunho wanted to see the cherry blossom.

 

Changmin thought it was cheesy but he rarely saw the usually composed older man overexcited and he couldn’t say no. And Changmin didn’t regret the trip. The three blossomed beautifully and the fallen pink petals matched well with the color of Yunho’s apple cheeks.

 

“You like it?” Changmin asked unnecessarily as the enjoyed lunch under a big tree.

 

“I love it!” Yunho couldn’t hide his wide smile. “Isn’t it very beautiful, Min-ah?”

 

Changmin just looked at the older man. His glowing eyes and sunshine smile, what could be more beautiful than that? “It is.”

 

Yunho caught him staring.

 

“You should stop grinning like that. You’re scaring the children.” Changmin said, acted if he wasn’t staring and he drank his green tea.

 

“I’m so happy!” Yunho squeezed Changmin’s hands. “And you’re here. I couldn’t be happier.”

 

Changmin snorted and took a leaf from Yunho’s hair. His heart pounded hard when Yunho looking at him like that.

 

“Are you happy, Min-ah?”

 

“Of course.” Changmin leaned on the older man’s shoulder. “You’re here, right?”

 

He caught a glimpse of Yunho’s smile before they kissed.

 

Yunho’s hair was wet with sweat and his face flushed red, he just finished a practice with his new friends in the latest photo he sent to Junsu. Changmin saw it when he was browsing through the photo gallery in Junsu’s phone. Yunho sent photos to Junsu from time to time.

 

Changmin didn’t wonder why Yunho didn’t sent photos to him. But still, he felt a pinch in his heart knowing how they became so far and distant.

 

Yunho’s handsome smile mesmerized him.

 

He looked happy.

 

Are you happy now? Even without me?

 

“This is so cute!”

 

“Thank you, Min-ah.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Changmin smiled and Junsu patted his shoulder.

 

“I didn’t expect Jaejoong Hyung would give a normal gift…” Yoochun said as he looked at the couple tumbler.

 

“Well, he’s actually busy stalking Amber,” Changmin whispered to Junsu.

 

Junsu gasped. “You met her?”

 

Changmin nodded. “With a guy. So Jae Hyung was kinda obsessed with her. Hyung, I really don’t expect him to still have the same feeling towards her.”

 

Junsu sighed. “Yeah, me too. I mean, how long has it been?”

 

“Who are you talking about?” Yoochun asked.

 

“Nothing!” Junsu quickly shook his head.

 

They were in a food mart close to Junsu’s home and Jaejoong was looking for pat bing soo stall while they were waiting in their table. Yoochun bought seafood fritters and Junsu ate the prawn, fed his boyfriend one.

 

Changmin felt lonely and he was going to search for Jaejoong, but the man came not long after with three bowls of pat bing soo.

 

“There are four of us.” Changmin said as he distributed the bowls.

 

“The lovebirds will eat in the same bowl anyway.” Jaejoong said, sat next to Changmin.

 

Two single men were facing the couple. Changmin and Jaejoong exchanged a look. And they both could read each other’s mind; it was sucks being single.

 

 

*

 

 

“I’m so done.” Jaejoong pouted as he put his bag on the table and sat next to Changmin.

 

“Why so?” Changmin was practicing his guitar skill, waiting for Jonghyun to come and taught him more.

 

“So you know I have the same carving class with her, right?”

 

Changmin hummed and wrote some notes on the paper. So he’s talking about Amber again, then, huh.

 

“I don’t think she notices me being in the same class with her and just now, she asked whether I could lend her my pen.” Jaejoong was leaning on the table lazily. “So I gave her my lovely Hello Kitty pen and-“ he groaned loudly and Changmin finally looked at the man beside him. “Why did I give her that pen?!”

 

“Why did you give her that pen?” Changmin repeated, totally didn’t understand the cause of Jaejoong’s despair.

 

“She said nothing but her face was… disgusted and was like, why is this man have Hello Kitty pen?” Jaejoong said sarcastically.

 

“But it’s just a pen, Hyung.” Changmin shrugged. “It could belong to your sister, right.”

 

“I happen to looking at my Hello Kitty mirror when she approached me too.”

 

“Oh.” Changmin couldn’t say anything else. “Umm, Hyung… does it mean that… you still like her?”

 

“Changmin Hyung! Sorry I’m late. Mr Song’s lecture was unstoppable.” Jonghyun came into the class.

 

“It’s okay,”

 

Jonghyun gave a bow to Jaejoong and sat in front of Changmin, looked at the notes Changmn wrote. “So, doing good, Hyung?”

 

Jaejoong stood up. “I’m leaving then, Min.” he took his bag. “Talk to you later.”

 

“Okay. See you, Hyung.”

 

Jaejoong left the class and was going to his apartment when he saw someone familiar in the studio.

 

It was Yunho!

 

Jaejoong quickly went to the door and opened it. Yunho was sitting, talking with Heechul and looked up when Jaejoong appeared in the room. “Yunho!” he couldn’t hold his scream. “You bastard why don’t you tell me you’re coming back home, huh?!”

 

Yunho just smiled, couldn’t say a word when Jaejoong attacked him with a tight hug.

 

“Omo, omo, I can feel your muscles, Yunnie!” Jaejoong groped Yunho’s arm and chest.

 

“Yah! Stop it, Jae!” Yunho chuckled and slapped Jaejoong playfully.

 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me-“ Jaejoong’s eyes caught something. A pair of crutches placed next to the dancer. “Wait.” He then looked down. From the ankle up to his shin, Yunho’s right foot was bandaged. “Yunho. What happened?”


	4. Young Fan and Foreigner

 

 

Changmin was doing his homework in a café, accompanied by a cup of hot caffeine to keep his brain energized. When he was queuing for a refill, there was a foreigner in front of him, kind of struggling for words to explain his order.

 

He took some time, before finally braved himself and asked, “Can I help you?”

 

The tall man with chocolate eyes and brown hair turned and looked at him.

 

Changmin thought he had seen this man before, but he wasn’t sure. “What do you want to order?” he asked in English, and the man told him to separate the soy milk with his coffee, and Changmin told the waiter in Korean.

 

“Thank you,” the man said in Korean. “My Korean is still not that good.”

 

“It’s okay,” Changmin smiled.

 

“Do you remember me?” the man asked when they were waiting for their coffee.

 

“Huh?”

 

“You were looking for shoes.” The man reminded him.

 

Changmin blinked. “Ah! Yes!” he remembered that handsome shop helper.

 

“I’m Julien,” he offered his hand and Changmin shook it.

 

“I’m Changmin.” Changmin said. “Nice to meet you.”

 

Julien smiled, and when their coffee came out, he insisted to pay for Changmin’s too. Tried to be kind, Changmin invited him to his table, his homework left forgotten and they spent the afternoon chatting and got to know each other.

 

Julien’s father was French and his mother was Korean. “I’m in love with the food here.”

 

“Really?” Changmin’s eyes widened. “You know, the French Cuisine is very famous around the world.”

 

“Yeah, I have to admit that.” Julien nodded, put down his cup. “So… you’re a student?”

 

“University student, yes.” Changmin said. “What about you? You still working in that shop?”

 

“No. Language barrier.” Julien shrugged. “But my mother found me a job to teach language. I don’t know if I should take that or not.”

 

Changmin hummed. “I think it’s a good idea. You can improve your Korean from your students, right?”

 

“Ah, yes. I’ve never thought about that before.” Julien smiled to Changmin.

 

Changmin had his choir practice that evening so he excused himself.

 

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Julien asked when Changmin put his books to his bag.

 

Changmin looked at him. “No.” it sounded awkward in his tongue.

 

A relieved smile crept out Julien’s lips. “Then… can I see you again?”

 

Changmin didn’t know what to say. But surely it was high time to open his heart to others. “Sure.”

 

Julien’s grin got wider. “Can I have your number?”

 

 

*

 

 

“My mother insists to have Yunho Hyung in our home until he perfectly healed.” Junsu said. “But he didn’t want to trouble us. Said that he’ll be fine on his own.”

 

“Of course Yunho Hyung said that.” Yoochun sighed.

 

Junsu pouted. “It’s a pity that they sent him home after the injury. But well, it’s fortunate for Eunhyuk, Yunho Hyung recommended him for his replacement.”

 

“It must be so bad that they returned him home.” Jaejoong added, “I mean, if it’s a light injury, they’d wait for his leg to heal, right? Ms Kwon said that they even had a plan to recruit Yunho-“

 

“Hey, Hyung!” Changmin opened the door.

 

“Oh! Changmin-ah!”

 

Changmin stopped in his place. Observing Yoochun and Junsu who shared a seat behind the piano, and Jaejoong who was standing stiffly beside them. “What is it?”

 

“What is what?” Jaejoong asked back.

 

Changmin blinked. “Nothing...?”

 

“Nothing!” Yoochun cleared his throat. “Let’s begin!”

 

 

*

 

 

Yunho was struggling with his bag and crutches. He was getting used to walking with crutches, but it wasn’t that easy either. His shoulders got hurt at times.

 

He was walking to his class, before he heard a sweet melody from a half opened window.

 

Changmin was playing his guitar in the music room.

 

Yunho almost forgot how handsome his face was. His big mesmerizing eyes. Gorgeous lips and sculpted cheekbones. His hair was shorter than Yunho remembered, and he imagined how soft it was. His delicate long fingers were dancing with the guitar strings.

 

The memory of Changmin playing the guitar in his apartment was still fresh in his mind. How often the younger man got frustrated when he wasn’t able to play the correct notes. Then Yunho would take his guitar and played it messily and sang loudly to cheer him up. Changmin would pout at first but then he’d smile at his boyfriend’s silly behavior.

 

How Yunho missed his smile.

 

His left crutch slipped from his grip and knocked the window loudly.

 

Changmin startled and Yunho ducked down his head.

 

His bag fell off his shoulder and his books sprawled out to the floor. Yunho sighed and bent down to pick up his books, and a hand helped him to collect them.

 

“Thank you,” Yunho muttered, received the book from the stranger and put it into his bag.

 

“You’re welcome.” He said. “Yunho Sunbae-nim, right?”

 

Yunho looked up to the boy in front of him. He looked so young and Yunho had never seen him before. “Yes?”

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin looked out to the window when he heard a hard banging sound to the glass.

 

But then suddenly there was that exchange student… who was it… Kai? And-

 

Was that Yunho?!

 

 

Fuckfuck it really was Yunho.

 

Yunho with his new hair, swept to the side, framed his handsome face gracefully. Changmin couldn’t see him clearly from his spot, but damn, was Yunho got, if it even possible, more good looking after he came back from US?

 

He hadn’t seen him in ages.

 

How long had it been? How many months? Had he finished the program? Why didn’t Yunho told him? Why he wanted Yunho to tell him, anyway?

 

From his spot, Changmin could only see his face, and he was talking to Kai, laughing… and how he missed those crescent eyes, those apple cheeks when Yunho smiled. They walked together and Changmin held the urge to follow them. He slowly got back to his seat, Yunho’s face filled his mind and he lost his will to play. When he checked his phone, he got a message.

 

_Can I meet u today? I’ll pick u up in ur uni, let’s have lunch together!_

_From: Julien_

_Okay. My last class end at 3._

_Send to: Julien_

 

 

*

 

 

“Have you met Changmin?”

 

Yunho was still for a moment before he answered, “I haven’t.”

 

“I heard from Junsu he had a date this evening.” Jaejoong continued, put the kimchi container he brought in Yunho’s refrigerator. It was sadly empty. If he knew, he’d brought more food to Yunho’s apartment.

 

Yunho didn’t answer. Because well, he didn’t know what to say. So he tried to concentrate on the report he was writing.

 

The bell was ringing and Jaejoong opened the door. Yunho stopped typing and stood up to find out who the guest was.

 

“No, you’re right. This is Yunho’s apartment,” Jaejoong said.

 

Yunho widened the door and saw Kai standing there.

 

“Oh, Yunho Hyung!” he quickly bowed to his senior.

 

“Hi, Kai,” Yunho smiled. “What’s up?

 

“I thought I…” Kai bit his lip nervously. “Nevermind.” He let out an insecure smile.

 

Yunho lifted his eyebrows.

 

“I’ll… just visit later. Maybe.” He laughed awkwardly. “Or I’ll call you.”

 

“Okay, then.” Yunho nodded.

 

“Sorry to interrupt. I just thought that… we can have lunch together, but… you have a company.” Kai glanced to Jaejoong. “So… maybe later…”

 

“Got it.”

 

“See you, Hyung.” He bowed and smiled one last time to Jaejoong before leaving.

 

Jaejoong closed the door and watched Yunho’s back who was walking hardly back to the table. “You just have a conversation without me.”

 

Yunho scoffed.

 

“Yunho, that guy has crush on you!” Jaejoong sat on the table, next to Yunho’s books and papers.

 

“It’s sympathy, not crush.” Yunho stated.

 

“Gosh, Yun, that boy was shooting stars with his eyes.” Jaejoong sighed. “How can he know your apartment, by the way?”

 

“He accompanied me back here after class.” Yunho said.

 

Jaejoong said nothing and got busy in the kitchen again. But then he asked, “Do you think if I wear crutches, Amber will have a crush on me?”

 

 

*

 

 

Yoochun was smoking furiously. Well, if one could smoke furiously, Changmin thought idly. He inhaled hard and deep, and blew out the smoke impatiently with rough breath.

 

“What’s wrong with him?” Changmin nudged Jaejoong who sat next to him in the canteen.

 

Jaejoong narrowed his eyes to the man under the tree. Oh. So the man who was walking back and forth was Yoochun. “Should we call Junsu?”

 

“His class will start after lunch. Maybe he’s still at home now.” Changmin said. “Come on,”

 

They walked carefully to the man, before Jaejoong (chosen because he lost in rock-paper-scissors game) tapped Yoochun’s shoulder slowly.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Yoochun muttered something like “Motherfucker,” through his gritted teeth, but Changmin couldn’t understand. But suddenly Amber came, and pushed Yoochun’s chest hard, the man almost fell backward but he got his balance.

 

“Why did you do that?!” her voice was loud, her gaze was piercing.

 

Yoochun threw his cigarette to the ground and stepped on it angrily. “I’m the one who should ask that, Amber. Why did you do that? What kind of woman would do such-“

 

“Shut up!” Amber punched Yoochun’s shoulder with her fist. “You have no right to judge me like that! Like I have never seen you making out in public with your boyfriend… why can’t I do the same?”

 

“You’re a woman!” Yoochun stepped forward, closer to his sister. “How could you do something embarrassing-“

 

“What is embarrassing!? I don’t get you!”

 

“How can you let a man disrespect you-“

 

“How come he disrespected me?! He’s my boyfriend!” Amber pushed on Yoochun’s chest hard, made the man stepped backwards.

 

But Yoochun stepped in again. “What kind of low woman would want him as a lover?”

 

Amber narrowed her eyes. “Did you just tell me I am low?”

 

Yoochun snorted. “No cheap woman would let a man grope her-“

 

Amber almost burst. “You asshole!”

 

“Asshole?” Yoochun repeated, eyes widened in shock. “How dare you talk like that to me?”

 

“What about you?! Aren’t you the one who talk bad about me?” Amber pointed her finger at her brother. “You’re the one who disrespect me! Not him! Fuck you!”

 

The sibling’s chests were in contact, glaring from eye to eye, and they were this close to throw punches at each other’s face and Changmin didn’t know what to do. Yoochun’s nose was flaring and Amber shot laser from her eyes.

 

“I fucking. Hate you.” Amber said, low and firm.

 

Yoochun said nothing, and Amber turned and left.

 

Jaejoong ran after him.

 

Changmin could only wish they had called Junsu.

 

 

*

 

 

Jaejoong followed her to the warehouse, where Amber had stopped walking and cried. She realized Jaejoong was behind and quickly wiped her tears and acted as if nothing happened.

 

“Go away,” she said.

 

Amber made sure that the man was leaving but a while after, she saw the man again, still there.

 

“I went away.” Jaejoong said. “But I come back.”

 

Amber snorted. “You’re funny.”

 

Jaejoong didn’t know whether she was being sarcastic or not, but she didn’t told him to leave, so he stayed. Slowly, Jaejoong walked closer to her.

 

Amber didn’t look at him. “Why are you here?”

 

“I don’t think you should be alone now.” Jaejoong could see her wet eyelashes. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

 

“I don’t think he still want to be my boyfriend.” Amber mumbled. “Nobody will want to be with me anymore for that matter.”

 

“Who says?” Jaejoong bit his tongue before he stupidly volunteering himself again.

 

“Do you think my brother wants me to be an old virgin?” Amber snapped suddenly. “Why can’t he let me to… just… be a little in love?”

 

Jaejoong looked at her pitifully. “You’re right. He’s an asshole.”

 

“But he’s your bestfriend, right…” Amber gave a glance to Jaejoong.

 

And he realized that Yoochun and Amber had the same pretty eyes. Amber’s were prettier. And they looked insanely cute, teary, but innocent and Jaejoong fell deeper for her.

 

“He’s living a hard life.” Jaejoong managed to say though he was kind of in a semi-hypnotized state. “Please understand him.”

 

“Then is that an excuse to make my life hard too?”

 

“He just wants to protect you.”

 

“I’m not a little girl anymore…”

 

“I know. But for him, you are his little girl.” Jaejoong said patiently.

 

Amber didn’t reply, and they went silent for a while.

 

“Amber,” Jaejoong called. Wanted to congratulate himself, to finally be able to call her name. Her name. From his mouth.

 

Amber looked up.

 

And man, isn’t she’s so damn beautiful? “Just talk to me whenever. I promise I won’t tell your brother.”

 

Amber nodded hesitantly.

 

Jaejoong smiled.

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin was scared but he finally could ask Yoochun to go to their usual bar, and just realized how many people watched them from afar. Of course, the shouting could be heard meters away from that spot.

 

Thankfully, Minwoo the bartender knew what was best for Yoochun’s temper and Changmin ordered two glasses in a row, put them in front of Yoochun. Fortunately, Junsu came not long after, said nothing but his presence made Changmin felt calmer.

 

His phone rang and he excused himself before answered the call. From Julien.

 

“Hi, Changmin-ah! Want to meet up? I find this French restaurant and I think you want to try....” Julien said.

 

Food? Of course! Changmin looked behind, Junsu was talking something softly to his lover, and maybe it was the time to leave the couple alone. “Sure.”

 

“Great! So… should I meet you in the campus?” Julien was tutoring language for the students, and most of them were from the same university as Changmin. So, the location for the tutoring session wasn’t far from his university.

 

“Okay. I have to take my guitar first. So let’s meet later in the gate.”

 

“Okay. See you!”

 

Changmin put his phone back to his pocket and got back to Yoochun and Junsu. “Hyung, I need to leave now…”

 

“It’s okay. We’re leaving too. Junsu has his class.” Yoochun said.

 

Changmin felt relieved that Yoochun spoke again.

 

Junsu nodded. “Let’s go, then.”

 

They walked together and parted ways when Changmin went upstairs to the music room to take his guitar. He had been dying to retrieve his treasured belonging but at the same time couldn’t just left Yoochun like that.

 

After Changmin left, Yoochun and Junsu went to Junsu’s class.

 

“Oh, Hyung!”

 

“Hello,” Yunho came out from the class. “Why, Junsu-ah, who are you looking for?” he asked to the younger male who was looking here and there a bit panicky. “Did you see someone?”

 

“N-no…” Junsu shook his head.

 

Yunho just looked at him curiously while Yoochun silently looking for Changmin’s trace but the man was nowhere in sight.

 

“Leaving early, Hyung?” Yoochun asked, tried to divert the conversation.

 

“Yeah. Still have to tidy my new apartment. And my movement is limited by the way.” Yunho waved his crutches annoyingly.

 

Yoochun chukled. “Then… do you want me to help? I’ve finished my classes for today.”

 

“Ah, it’s okay, Chun-ah. It’s almost done, anyway.” Yunho kindly refused.

 

“I want to see your new apartment, anyway. So let’s just go together.” Yoochun insisted.

 

“Okay, then.” Yunho agreed.

 

Yunho just watched jealously as the couple said goodbye. They didn’t do anything flashy, but Yoochun held Junsu’s hand briefly, mouthing something Yunho couldn’t catch and Junsu replied in a gentle whisper. Junsu got in the class and the two older men went together to Yunho’s apartment.

 

They passed the gate and Yoochun noticed a tall man, a foreigner, and he was with… “Oh! It’s C-“ fuck. Yoochun wanted to slap his mouth. Had Yunho seen him? He glanced to the man beside him to check.

 

And yes. Yunho saw. It was hard to not notice the tall man in front of them. He and Changmin were talking about something enthusiastically, and when they crossed the road, the man put his long arms around Changmin’s shoulder, protected him.

 

Yunho lost himself. He stopped staring as the couple disappeared into a bus. Yoochun just looked at Yunho, before the other man looked back and gave a small smile, and they continued to walk.

 

“So it’s true.” Yunho said, and Yoochun looked at him. “Jaejoong said that Changmin had a date.”

 

Yoochun hummed. “Yeah… they had meals together… I heard.” He said.

 

“He’s tall and handsome.” Yunho said awkwardly, but didn’t make it less sincere.

 

“Yeah…”

 

Yunho gripped his crutches tighter. “Then… is he his new boyfriend?”

 

“I… I don’t know about that yet, Hyung. But like you, I only know they went for a date.” Yoochun answered honestly.

 

Yunho replied with an ‘oh’, and said, “Good for him.”

 

Yoochun had been friends with Yunho and Changmin for a long time. That they would break up, had never crossed his mind. He and Junsu fought a lot more than them. Yoochun knew how much Yunho loved Changmin, and how much Changmin felt for the older man. When they separated, he knew that they’d be alright. Maybe they’d get back together.

 

And now, maybe he should just accept the fact that they were really end.


	5. Above Naked Kimbap and Chicken Soup

“Really? I haven’t watched it, Oppa. Is it better than the original version?” Amber asked, poured a glass of orange juice for him.

 

“Thank you,” Junsu drank it gratefully. The summer heat made him felt dizzy and he kept an ice cube in his mouth. “I think the new version is better, you know. With all the effects and-“

 

“But usually the storyline from the original version is better, right?” Amber sat on the table, legs dangled in the air.

 

Junsu hummed. “Well… but it’s worth it, though. I mean, it won’t be a waste of time to watch it.”

 

“Okay… maybe I will buy the dvd.”

 

“No need to. I have it at home. I’ll bring it next time.” Junsu said, drank another gulped of the fresh juice.

 

“Really? Thank you, Oppa! Then… do you have any other movies I can borrow? What else do you have?”

 

“It depends on what kind of genre you want.” Junsu said. “Action movies?”

 

“I actually-“

 

“Oh, Junsu, you’ve waited long?” Yoochun came down from the stairs, hair wet. Just finished his shower.

 

Amber jumped off the table and went to her room and closed the door.

 

Junsu gave Yoochun a look.

 

Yoochun blinked, disappeared to the laundry room to put his towel and came to the kitchen where Junsu was. “What?”

 

“Jaejoong Hyung told me, you know.” Junsu said in a small voice.

 

Yoochun sighed. “I can’t help it. She let random men touching her so freely? How can I-“

 

“But saying she’s cheap and low? Yoochun, that’s inappropriate.” Junsu looked at his lover’s eyes.

 

Yoochun ran his fingers through his hair. “Are you taking her side now?”

 

Junsu gasped in bewilderment. “I’m not taking her side. She’s your sister, and you’re the one who should be on her side.”

 

“I don’t want those filthy men look at her as a fucking playtoy, Junsu. If she let her guards down that easy, what do you think will those immoral boys do, huh?”

 

“Well I believe she’s old enough to take a good care of herself.”

 

“Junsu, you don’t understand. You don’t have a younger sister. You don’t know how it feels.”

 

“Well no, I don’t. And I’m sorry to judge you unfairly.” Junsu said sarcastically.

 

Yoochun shrugged. Some time passed, and they were just looking into each other.

 

“So you came here to tell me that?” Yoochun asked.

 

“I was going to talk about it with you. But you know what, I’m not in the mood anymore.” Junsu put his hands up.

 

Yoochun said nothing.

 

Junsu wore his shoes. “She’ll hate you forever if you won’t change.”

 

 

*

 

 

Because Jaejoong was one annoying nosy man, he was interrogating Changmin about his date with Julien.

 

“It’s not a date, okay. We just had meal together.” Changmin said, over and over.

 

“Yeah. So did he ask about your exes?” Jaejoong didn’t care what Changmin said. A date is a date.

 

They were in the park, sitting on the bench. Changmin was reading a novel Julien lent him. He was very careful not to mention it, but still, Jaejoong could sense it and his accusation about Changmin dating Julien was getting stronger.

 

The answer of Jaejoong last question was no, because Julien was one fine polite man who respected other’s privacy a lot. And Changmin liked that side of him a lot. “Don’t you have anything to do?”

 

“Why, do you have another date with him? Today?”

 

Actually Julien asked him to accompany him go apartment hunting. “Hyung, we’re just friends, alright.”

 

“Well, let’s see…” Jaejoong gave him an amusing look as he checked his vibrating phone. “OH! MY!”

 

Changmin turned his gaze away from his book and finally paid some interest on the man beside him. “What?” he shifted closer to see Jaejoong’s phone.

 

“It’s Amber! She texted me!” Jaejoong’s hands were almost shaking.

 

“Why? How could-“

 

“Oh? She said that Yoochun and Junsu are fighting.” Jaejoong read the text, hands busy not long after, typing the reply. “Why are they fighting I don’t care anyway because she texted me haha!”

 

“Hyung, really, what happened between them?” Changmin asked impatiently. “Why are they fighting?”

 

“Calm down…” Jaejoong mumbled. “I ask her to meet up.”

 

“Gosh Hyung, you unshameful person...”

 

“Yeay! She said we can meet at lunch. Ugh, it’s still half an hour away!” Jaejoong’s feet were tapping on the grass impatiently.

 

Changmin inhaled deeply and let out a loud, heavy air came out after. Jaejoong could make one person felt tired by doing nothing. He flipped another page when his eyes caught someone afar entering the gate. With crutches.

 

Was that-

 

 

 

No it wasn’t him. The one walking with crutches. Siwon greeted him. He greeted back and Changmin could almost see the sunshine from his smile. No one else could smile like he did. He jerked his head a little to sweep his fringe to the side.

 

Changmin didn’t want to believe.

 

No. It wasn’t him.

 

It was him.

 

“Hyung what happened to Yunho?” Changmin couldn’t hold the overflowing wave in his heart and mind. “What happened to his legs?”

 

Jaejoong looked at him for a while, didn’t say anything.

 

Changmin could hear his own noisy heartbeat in his ears.

 

“He injured his right ankle. So they sent him back home.” Jaejoong answered flatly.

 

“It is that… severe?”

 

“More than that severe.” Jaejoong lifted his shoulders. “Heard that he lost 80% capability of his ankle.”

 

“Really?” Changmin’s eyes widened and he moved closer to Jaejoong.

 

“May… maybe I heard it wrong.” Jaejoong corrected, didn’t want Changmin to worry too much. “He will heal.”

 

Changmin nodded and gulped. “How long has he been here?” came out from his mouth, instead of ‘Why nobody told me?’

 

Jaejoong counted. “Not longer than two weeks.”

 

Fuck. Yunho. Fuck that stupid idiot. How could he hurt himself? And how come I didn’t notice it? Fuck Yunho, we separated for four months and look what have you done to your clumsy self? Can you just take care of one person, _you_? It’s your leg, dammit, it’s so important… to walk, to run, to dance… dance. Yunho can’t dance, then. He can’t do the thing he loves the most, isn’t it worse than dying? Fuck, how can he injure his leg, that stupid- “It’s lunchtime already, Hyung. I bet you don’t want Amber to wait.”

 

Jaejoong checked his phone. “Ah! Right! I’ll see you, then, Min.”

 

Changmin just nodded as Jaejoong left.

 

He closed his eyes.

 

Was Yunho alright? Shit, 80% was… wasn’t that a lot? He imagined how Yunho bit his plump lower lip to hold his pain in… eyes closed tight and fist clenched. Yunho would never complain. He’d never say he was in pain. And it wasn’t just the pain in his leg. What about the disappointment that he got dismissed from the program? Would they still recruit him? Changmin knew the man would just act tough and strong. But after that injury, of course he needed someone to take care of him.

 

And now that Changmin wasn’t by his side anymore… who would do it?

 

 

*

 

 

Nayoon sat on Jaejoong’s table and took his juice and drank it.

 

“Yah, go bother someone else!” Jaejoong slapped her ass off the table.

 

“Why? I love bothering you…” Nayoon said, next in the same chair as Jaejoong and pushed the man to give some space for her.

 

Jaejoong fell to the floor. “Yah!”

 

Nayoon laughed.

 

Jaejoong tsked and tried to steal back his seat but failed. So just pouted in the end and shared the chair with the girl.

 

“Yah, are you to participating in that bet?”

 

Jaejoong raised his eyebrows and looked at Nayoon. “Bet, what bet?”

 

“You know… the one you guys always do,” Nayoon combed her bobbed hair with her fingers. “Betting on girl. Who get the girl will win.”

 

Jaejoong scoffed. “They’re still playing it?”

 

“Don’t act like that… you’re the one who broke most of their little pitiful hearts, you know?”

 

“Whatever. Who play, anyway?” Jaejoong asked curiously.

 

“Donghae, Taecyeon… and that one guy from third year I don’t know.” Nayoon said, offered back the juice.

 

Jaejoong looked at the juice and realized there was Nayoon’s lipstick stain on the straw. “It’s disgusting you know?”

 

“What?”

 

“Your lipstick!”

 

“What the heck, it’s just lipstick!”

 

Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “Just- finished it.” He was speechless and Nayoon happily drank the juice. “Who’s the girl anyway?” he couldn’t help but felt curious.

 

Nayoon laughed. “You know that tomboy from the first year?”

 

Jaejoong’s brows furrowed. “Who?”

 

“Well, actually the challenge isn’t from the girl alone. But also the brother.” She laughed. “I don’t think anyone would win,”

 

“Yah, who?” Jaejoong was impatient.

 

“It’s Park Yoochun’s sister. You know him, right?”

 

 

*

 

 

“Did I already say that I saw your videos, Hyung?” Kai said, sat on the wooden floor, leaned back to the mirror.

 

“Yeah?” Yunho was sitting on a chair, looked down to his junior. He was visiting the dance studio. Simply because he missed it. But then he found Kai was practicing and ended up watching and enjoying his performance on the dance floor. “What do you think?

 

“You’re amazing.” Kai’s breaths were heavy. He took a towel from his bag and wiped his sweat.

 

“You’re too nice.” Yunho gave him the water bottle.

 

“No, Hyung! Really! You’re extraordinary- I- I mean…” Kai seemed embarrassed after he showed that he admired Yunho too much.

 

“I’ve seen you dance.” Yunho said, filled the air of awkwardness from the younger male. “And you’re amazing too, Kai.”

 

Kai felt lucky that his face was hot and red from dancing so Yunho wouldn’t notice him blushed. Jung Yunho was like a legend for him. From the first day, he had heard everything about the older man. He thought people exaggerated, but after Kai saw Yunho danced, he was hypnotized. No wonder why people worshipped him like a god.

 

After all he got, he thought Jung Yunho sunbae-nim would be arrogant and smug. But it was all the way around. He was kind, helpful, humble, and loving.

 

Talked about a perfect human being.

 

“What is it?” Yunho asked after a while. He noticed the awkward movement from the kid.

 

“I just want to know, Hyung…” Kai said slowly. “But… well… just forget it.”

 

Yunho chuckled. “Come on, what is it?”

 

Kai bit his lip. “Is…” gosh, fuck this. “Is the man in your apartment yesterday is your boyfriend?” he could hear his loud heartbeat in his ears.

 

“Jaejoongie?”

 

Yes, shitfuck, Kai actually knew that guy. He asked around about that man. And no man in that university didn’t know the famous pretty guy like Jaejoong.

 

“No, he’s just a friend. Bestfriend. We’ve known each other since… forever. I don’t remember.” Yunho said. “Why?”

 

Kai exhaled slowly in relief. “No… nothing, Hyung.”

 

“Why, you like him?” Yunho teased, grinned widely.

 

“No! No, it’s not that.” Kai said.

 

“Eyy, you can just tell me, you know. I’m sure Jaejoong swing both ways.” Yunho winked at him.

 

Kai sighed. “No, Hyung. I… I mean I… have somebody else in mind.” He mumbled quietly.

 

“What?”

 

“No… nothing…” Kai excused himself to get a shower before he confessed about the man he actually liked to the man himself.

 

 

*

 

 

Yunho chuckled. “Did you forget to wrap the kimbap in the seaweed or what?” he asked, looking at the neat rows of naked kimbap.

 

“Yeah, so I was going to make rice balls with beef but I change my mind.” Jaejoong put more kimchi on Yunho’s plate. He brought lunch for Yunho that day and ate together in the canteen.

 

“Hey, Hyung. I’ve been looking for you everywhere-“ Changmin put his tray on the table, realized just a second after that Yunho was there also.

 

But he couldn’t just decide to go again. To take back his tray from the table and left. Then they would know. Yunho would know how Changmin felt uncomfortable with him. How he hated him, maybe. How he… still not letting go of the past.

 

“Hi, Changmin,” it was Yunho who greet him first.

 

It was the first direct interaction they had after the break up. How healthy.

 

“Hi…” Changmin almost forgot how to speak. How to breathe. He didn’t remember where he was. What he was going to do. “… Yunho.”

 

“Sit. Jaejoong made a delicious samgyetang.” Yunho said, pushed the bowl to Changmin for him to try.

 

Changmin sat slowly in front of Yunho.

 

“Where’s Junsu? Or Yoochun? You see them?” Jaejoong asked, finally, lifted the awkwardness a bit more between them.

 

“They went out for lunch,” Changmin said, tried the soup. And realized that there was only one spoon, which meant that he and Yunho wore the same spoon. Then he thought why that shit bothered him so much.

 

“Oh. So they’ve made up?”

 

Changmin hummed. “Why did they fight, anyway?”

 

“You know, Min, I actually don’t know either. But yesterday, Yoochun said that…”

 

Changmin didn’t really hear Jaejoong’s words because his mind was busy instructed his eyes to steal some glance to the man in front of him.

 

Yunho looked… a bit thinner. But he looked healthy. And Changmin could almost see the well defined muscles beneath the blue stripped shirt he wore. The crutches were beside the man, resting from their tiring job, supporting the man’s activities all day.

 

He wasn’t looking at the food. He was looking at Yunho’s hand. How would his fingers stretch when he used his chopsticks to take the pieces of chicken. His round knuckles Changmin loved, because they felt like locking their fingers together when they held hands.

 

That was the first one Changmin felt grateful for Jaejoong’s long talk. But long wasn’t good enough. He wanted forever. Although all he could do was quietly sitting in front of the man who once loved him so much.

 

“So yeah, like you can expect, they’re back together and all in love forever, in the end.” Jaejoong gave his conclusion.

 

But nobody paid attention to him. Jaejoong was going to protest but he saw Yunho had a piece of chicken between his chopsticks, lifting it to give it to the man in front of him, but then he stopped and put it in his own bowl instead.

 

Changmin didn’t seem to notice it, though. He kept eating, much slower than usual. Jaejoong followed Changmin’s gaze and realized that the younger man didn’t really pay any attention to his food. But more to Yunho’s hands. And his arms. And his other body parts that he could stare without lifting his head.

 

And even when he did lift his head, he just stole a quick glance to Yunho, before looking at the crutches, bit his lower lip and gave them a sad look, before sighed deeply, before went back to eating.

 

Jaejoong turned his head to Yunho, who was actually looking Changmin with some kind of longing and desperate expression in his eyes. And Jaejoong now understand the different vibe Yunho had since he back to town. Jung Yunho he knew, though all his quietness and charismatic cool attitude, was like a sun, vibrant, always fully energized and somehow overshined everybody else.

 

 Maybe there was a deep dark shadow in the current Jung Yunho that he didn’t shine as bright now.

 

The dancer smiled emptily, and turned his head to Jaejoong.

 

“Glad to hear they’re alright.”

 

“Glad to know you’re listening.” Jaejoong said quietly, smiled back to him.

 

Maybe it wasn’t only Junsu and Yoochun who were all in love forever.

 

 


	6. Our Story

Yoochun brought flower.

 

Nobody understood why. Unless, of course, Junsu, who looked shy but utterly happy. Sure, it was valentine but they were both guys. But still.

 

Yoochun didn’t buy the flower, he planted the rose several months ago and that touched Changmin’s heart a little. He knew Jaejoong offered Yoochun his money to buy a nice bouquet, but Yunho said the thought that matters.

 

And Yunho was right.

 

They were in highschool and Yoochun and Junsu had been dating since junior highschool. The couple had spent valentine several times. Jaejoong was busy dating since forever. That left Changmin and Yunho eating jajangmyeon during black day.

 

“I think we should date,” Yunho said, after asking for more radish to the ahjumma.

 

“You like someone?” Changmin asked, slurped his jajangmyeon. Because Changmin was, well, he had a girlfriend once during junior highschool. They were dating for six or eight months, but that was that.

 

“Maybe,” Yunho chuckled.

 

Changmin stopped eating. “Who?” he wondered why Yunho had never told him before.

 

“You know, I actually talk about us.” Yunho said, stirred his noodle.

 

“Yeah?” Changmin unconsciously wiped his mouth, worried if there was a stain there when Yunho was looking at him.

 

“You and I.” Yunho said. “Should date.”

 

“I know, you mean you want to date someone and I should find-“ _oh_. Wait. “You mean you. And I.” oh. Oh, so that what he meant, Changmin thought.

 

Yunho drank his green tea. “I’m just saying.” He said slowly. “Finish your jajangmyeon. I want ice cream.”

 

Sure, Yunho was just saying.

 

But then Yunho would text him frequently. Asked him out. Only two of them. Went to restaurant, watch movies, festivals, and he even got Changmin a giant teddybear when they went to an amusement park. Though later, Yunho asked Changmin if it was okay to give the doll to a crying little girl. Changmin said it was fine, and Yunho bought him a big cotton candy in exchange.

 

Yunho was kind of kissed kiss cheek when they arrived at Changmin’s home.

 

He was saying goodnight, sleep well, and his lips brushed against Changmin’s cheek.

 

Changmin insisted that it was a kiss.

 

He knew Yunho was romancing him.

 

He just didn’t know how to do romance.

 

“Oh, so you like Yunho too.” Jaejoong replied, when Changmin asked what kind of present he should give to Yunho when it wasn’t even his birthday.

 

Changmin didn’t want to admit but he didn’t want to avoid it either.

 

“Give your body.” Jaejoong said.

 

It wasn’t helpful but Changmin had no choice and talked to Jaejoong. He’d talk to Junsu, but Junsu was so close to Yunho and he believed that Junsu would tell the older man. And Yoochun, same with Junsu. Telling Junsu meant telling Yoochun and the opposite.

 

Of course Changmin didn’t give Yunho his body. He started to think to grow strawberry plants, knowing how much Yunho loved strawberries.

 

Just like how Yoochun grew rose for Junsu.

 

Was that mean… the feeling Yoochun had for Junsu, Changmin had it too, for Yunho?

 

“That thing you said during Black Day,” Changmin said. “That we should date…”

 

“Yeah?” Yunho was copying Junsu’s homework in the morning. He stopped writing and looked at the younger man.

 

“Do you consider us dating right now?” Changmin asked, felt strangely unashamed, but in the other hand afraid of Yunho’s reaction.

 

“I do.” Yunho said straightly. “Well, in my mind. I don’t know how about yours.”

 

Changmin nodded, but didn’t say a thing. His mouth somehow blossomed to a wide shy smile.

 

And Yunho understood fully. “So you want to make it official?” he asked. “Because I think I’m a bit too in love with you.”

 

Changmin laughed. “I’m a bit too in love, too.”

 

And Yunho’s mouth in an instant was on Changmin’s mouth.

  
For a second.

 

Changmin felt so freaking happy that he didn’t know that a human being could have that kind of amazing feeling in a lifetime. He believed in tears of happiness at that time.

 

Yunho’s smile was so gorgeous and stupid and it made Changmin want to wipe it from his mouth. With his lips.

 

 

*

 

 

Yunho bought chocolate for Changmin in Valentine.

 

Changmin said he forgot it was Valentine, but actually his strawberry plant wilted. But Yunho knew, and he grinned, teeth showing, said “It’s okay, Changminnie,” and kissed Changmin’s temple lovingly.

 

 

*

 

 

Yunho flinched when Changmin bit his skin a bit too hard. His breath was hot and heavy on his neck.

 

“Yunho…” Changmin moaned, threw his body to the older man.

 

Yunho held Changmin’s long body, tried to balance him. Looked like he drank too much that night.

 

Jaejoong’s party was always crazy. He had a villa up in a hill and it was quite big to accommodate such a crowd. He made a post graduation party because “We’ve study hard after all of these years and that, my friend, needs a lot of appreciation and celebration.”

 

“Hyung~” Changmin called again.

 

Yunho laughed. “You’re really drunk, Min.”

 

Changmin giggled, that uncontrollable giggle that made his body shook. “Yunho Oppa~ you dance invertebrately…”

 

Yunho thought Changmin’s drunk talking was funny. That part of his lover calling him ‘Oppa’ made him shivered, though. Especially when Changmin’s arm went around his body and the younger’s head was leaning on his shoulder from the side.

 

“You like it don’t you?” Changmin whispered, hot in Yunho’s ear.

 

“What?” Yunho jolted because Changmin just bit his ear.

 

“When I call you… _Oppa_ …” Changmin’s voice was husky and low.

 

Yunho was torn because Changmin’s hands went under his shirt and tickling his waist and he held himself to laugh.

 

When Jaejoong walked passed them, Changmin stole the little glass in his hand, Yunho wanted to prevent the younger to drink it but it was too late. Changmin drank it in one shot, and God knew what was in Jaejoong’s drink. Jaejoong didn’t complain, though, preoccupied with handful of girls on both sides.

 

Yunho knew the taste in that drink, mainly bitter, strong, a bit fruity, was that berry? Because in a second Changmin’s mouth covered his, tongue roaming inside his mouth and fuck, Yunho could also feel his adrenaline pumped high when Changmin kissed him.

 

Hands on each other’s body, mouth attached one to another, they walked left and right, backwards, Yunho crashed someone and his shirt was wet with spilled beer, he’d apologize to the owner if he wasn’t so busy then. Changmin’s head bumped into a door and he was coherent enough to open it and entered, pulled the dancer with him.

 

“Gosh, I want you, Yunho.” Changmin’s breathy voice filled the room.

 

Yunho moaned, because, fuck, Changmin’s groan was so damn sexy when he kissed that slender neck.

 

Changmin pushed Yunho to the bed and sat on the said man’s stomach, leaned down to kiss him deeply. Tasting, exploring, sucking once again, until he was out of breath. Yunho’s lips were so red and addicting and it made him dizzy.

 

“Let’s have sex,” Changmin said, took off jacket, and his tshirt.

 

Yunho loved the feeling of Changmin’s smooth skin, his abs and chest and he put his palm on the younger’s heart just to feel the beat.

 

“Oooh, Yunho, I want you,” Changmin was unbuttoning Yunho’s shirt impatiently.

 

“Changmin-ah,” Yunho held Changmin’s hand.

 

Changmin hummed impatiently, and leaned down, licked Yunho’s cheek.

 

“Changmin, you’re drunk.” Yunho said, grabbed Changmin’s hand tighter.

 

“I want you so much…” Changmin pressed his body to the man underneath him.

 

“I want you too…” Yunho wrapped his arms around Changmin’s naked body. “But you’re gonna forget this in the morning.”

 

“Raw cock… want your… I’m hot, give me… Yun…”

 

Yunho chuckled, and Changmin’s silly talking made his mind clearer, thank God, because he didn’t want to have sex with his lover in that kind of state. Though Changmin was mumbling about sexy thing, Yunho still thought it was cute. “I know you’re hot, Min.”

 

Changmin laughed. “Yunho,”

 

“Yes, love?”

 

“…”

 

Yunho checked and Changmin was asleep. He rolled to the side, put pillow under Changmin’s head and pulled the blanket to cover his body. Yunho slipped out from the bed, took off his sticky, uncomfortable shirt and laid next to Changmin. The younger snuggled close to him like a giant koala.

 

 

*

 

 

“What happened?” Changmin blinked away his sleepiness. He noticed their bared upper body and his jeans was unbuttoned. “Did we do something last night?” not that Changmin would complain, but he just didn’t remember anything about that.

 

“It’s uncomfortable to sleep with clothes, right?” Yunho yawned. “So I took them off.” Well, Yunho thought, actually Changmin himself who took off his clothes, but… “You feel okay?”

 

Changmin nodded slowly. “Why? Did I do something?”

 

Yunho smiled sleepily to the other man. “I’ve told you, you won’t remember.”

 

“What is it?” Changmin asked curiously. Did he do something stupid? Embarrassing? Or both?

 

“You just drank too much last night.” Yunho said, eyes still closed because the sunray from the window was a bit strong.

 

Changmin huffed, but then decided to go back to sleep, leaned his head on Yunho’s chest and clung to him.

 

And realized something. That Yunho might feel too.

 

He had a massive morning erection and it pressed against Yunho’s left hip.

 

They were frozen in a moment, until Changmin realized another thing.

 

Yunho’s erection was hard against his thigh.

 

“Is it just my dream, or did I pin you down last night?” Changmin asked.

 

Yunho grinned. “It happened.”

 

Changmin bit his lower lip in worry. His hold unconsciously tightened around Yunho’s body.

 

“But whatever you’ve done, I still love you.” Yunho looked at his boyfriend. “More.”

 

Changmin felt happy, but couldn’t feel content because his erection was a bit uncomfortable. “I love you too.” He kissed Yunho’s chin. “Can we make a good use of our erect dicks?”

 

Yunho didn’t hesitate and turned them both, had Changmin under him and made love.

 

 

*

 

 

“Aish! Really! Yunho! I’ve told you not to bring the toothpaste to the shower!”

 

Yunho jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom, quickly took the toothpaste and deliver it to Changmin. “Here you go, My Prince,” he offered his charming smile but the younger was still unhappy.

 

“Yunho! You forget to dry your feet! Again!” Changmin was agitated, his toothbrush almost broke into two in his hand.

 

“Sorry, sorry,” Yunho stepped back to the mat, wiped his feet dry and mopped the wet foot trail with the same mat.

 

They were ready for bed, and Changmin was going to turn off the lamp, but- “Gosh, I think I’m gonna cry, Yunho.”

 

Yunho sat up straight on the bed. “Why? What happened?”

 

“How many times I’ve told you to take the glass to the sink?! Oh my-“

 

“Okay, okay, I’ll do it now.” Yunho jumped off the bed, again. He usually drank milk before went to bed, and always forgot to put it to the sink.

 

Changmin sighed deeply. “Just leave it.” He turned off the lamp. “You wash the dishes tomorrow.”

 

“Aye, Captain.” Yunho smiled silently in victory.

 

And that was how Yunho always woke up ahead of Changmin. Turned off the alarm, took his dirty glass to the sink. Made coffee and woke Changmin up. Took a shower, and they would have a breakfast Changmin cooked together. He’d wash the dishes while Changmin was in the shower, and went to the university together.

 

It was a routine that turned into a habit.

 

Yunho’s bad, lazy habit was still there, though.

 

But Changmin didn’t mind.

 

He was strangely in love with them too, anyway.

 

 

*

 

Changmin’s parents visited their apartment one day. Yunho opened the door and he didn’t know the strangers while the couple in front of him was shocked as well, as if they didn’t expect an unknown man would open the door.

 

Changmin came to save the situation. “Hi, Mother, Father. This is Yunho,… um… my roommate.”

 

Mrs Shim lifted her eyebrows. “Oh. So you share the apartment.”

 

“Yes. It’s… cheaper that way.” Changmin said as he closed the door after his parents walked in.

 

Mr Shim did a tour himself around the apartment as his wife talked with his son.

 

Yunho excused himself to make tea for all of them. The thought crept his mind; was Changmin didn’t tell about their relationship to their parents? Because well, then Changmin could just say that Yunho was his boyfriend. Not only a roommate.

 

They had been together for more than two years. Did Changmin not tell his family about it at all? Yunho, in the other hand, had told his family that he had a boyfriend after they had been together for a year. His mother said that, maybe it was a phase where Yunho was still confused, and maybe later, he’d find a woman to marry. But in the meantime, let Yunho to learn about his sexual orientation further. And his father, well, as always, said nothing.

 

“Our Changminnie can be handful to live with, isn’t he?” Mrs Shim asked, sipped her tea elegantly.

 

“Well…” Yunho sat next to Changmin and looked at the other man. “I’m not that easy to live with either.”

 

Yunho realized he unconsciously had his palm on Changmin’s thigh when he followed Mrs Shim gaze. He quickly pulled back his hands.

 

Mrs Shim just nodded, but gave him a look.

 

“Yunho-sshi, you go to the same university as Changmin?” Mr Shim asked.

 

“Yes, Sir. I actually went to the same highschool as well.” Yunho answered.

 

“Oh.” Mrs Shim’s eyebrows were high. “Changmin never told us about that.”

 

Yunho could feel Changmin tensed beside him. “Maybe it’s because I’m his senior. I’m two years older.”

 

Mrs Shim hummed. “That must be that.” She said.

 

The parents left not long after, and Changmin looked thankful but guilty at the same time. When Yunho washed the dishes, Changmin hugged him from behind.

 

“I’m sorry…” he mumbled. “I just… don’t know how to tell them.”

 

Yunho had no right to be angry. But still, he couldn’t say that he was okay either. He couldn’t lie. And even if he lied, Changmin would know.

 

But later at night, Yunho just couldn’t see the younger man looked so small and afraid. He finally held him in his arms, and Changmin tightened his hold when Yunho kissed his temple.

 

“I love you,” Changmin whispered.

 

Yunho could feel Changmin’s breath on his skin. “I know.”

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin cried as soon as he arrived in the apartment.

 

Yunho wrapped him in his embrace, felt Changmin’s body shook with each sob and his shoulder was wet with tears. “What happened?”

 

“My mother… she hates me.”

 

God, no. Yunho was frozen for a moment. Changmin told his parents.

 

Changmin lifted his head and looked at Yunho. “My father said… my mother thought I was gay but still… she didn’t want to believe it…” his face was wet with tears, eyes red and lips trembled.

 

“Oh Changmin,” Yunho hugged him again. “I should’ve come with you.”

 

“No. It’s me.” Changmin said. “It’s my problem with my family.”

 

Yunho didn’t ask for the detail because he was afraid it would hurt Changmin even more. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s my risk, Yunho.” Changmin sniffed. “Don’t apologize.”

 

Changmin had a morning class the next day, and when Yunho just finished his jogging, Changmin’s father was waiting in the lobby. Yunho really didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing after he greeted him and bowed.

 

“Changmin’s mother… still need some time to accept it.” Mr Shim said.

 

Yunho held the iPod in his hand tighter. “And about you, Sir?”

 

“How long have you been together?” Mr Shim asked.

 

“Two years and half.” Yunho answered, didn’t dare to look at the man’s eyes.

 

He sighed. “It’s a long time.”

 

Yunho said nothing.

 

“There must be a reason why the two of you can go this far.” Mr Shim said. “I just don’t understand why he told us now. I’m sure he dated a girl once, though. I never expect…” he rubbed his forehead frustatedly.

 

“I’m sorry, Sir,” Yunho said quietly, bowed again to the man. He knew it was a hard thing for the parents to accept that fact about his son.

 

“I… can’t hate him. He’s my son. Nor can I hate you.” Mr Shim looked at Yunho sadly. “As his father, Yunho,”

 

Yunho finally looked at him and realized that Changmin resembled his father a lot.

 

“I need you to promise me something,” Mr Shim looked at him deeply.

 

For Changmin, Yunho would do anything. “Anything, Sir.”

 

“Please protect him,” Mr Shim said.

 

“I promise I will, Sir.”

 

“And please love him.” He added. “Until he doesn’t love you anymore.”

 

 

*

 

 

“What about you, then?” will you be okay, Min? Without me, will you be okay? If I’m leaving, what are you going to do? Will you go after me? Will you hold on to me?

 

“What about me?” Changmin repeated, staring emptily.

 

“What about us?” Yunho was dying. His heart beat fast, body felt hot and cold at the same time. He was anticipating but also afraid of the answer. “What will happen to us?”

 

“If you’re going,” Changmin said slowly. “Then there will be no us.”

 

Yunho felt weak. Muscles went limp and his spirit felt like leaving his body.

 

“Let’s break up.”

 

He said it. He said it.

 

Changmin said it.

 

Why was it that easy to say it? Was Yunho didn’t mean that much to him? How could Changmin decide to end their relationship? After all those years they had been together, how small was Yunho’s space in Changmin heart that the man could easily just dismiss him like that? Now that a small storm attack their boat, Changmin would just throw Yunho away to the sea of despair?

 

His heart didn’t even hurt. It was numb.

 

“Okay.” Yunho managed to say.

 

It takes two in a relationship, Yunho sadly thought. If one didn’t want it, it couldn’t be called a relationship anymore.

 

“If that’s what you want.” Yunho tried really hard to speak. _Tell me, Changmin, is that what you really want?_

 

But Changmin was still refused to look at him. “I’ll be going for a while.” He got up.

 

Yunho contained the urge to hold him.

 

“If you… it’d be easier for both of us if…” Changmin stuttered as he wore his jacket.

 

“Don’t worry.” Yunho said, quietly counting the steps Changmin took until he reached the door. _No, Yunho,_ he told himself _. He won’t turn back._ “I’ll be gone when you come back.”

 

 


	7. Awkward Kiss

 

 

“What happened to Yunho Hyung’s leg?” Jonghyun asked when they were playing guitar together.

 

Changmin dropped his pencil and it rolled away. Jonghyun got it for him. “Thanks.” He mumbled. “Uh… I heard… he injured his ankle during dance practice.”

 

“Oh, really? Is he okay?” Jonghyun asked warily.

 

“Yeah… I guess…” Changmin tilted his head. “I don’t really know.”

 

“Oh, I thought you’re living together, Hyung?”

 

Changmin bit his lip, tried his hardest to answer that question normally. “We broke up. It’s… almost five months now.”

 

“Oh!” Jonghyun looked guilty. “I’m… I’m sorry, Hyung. I… don’t know about that.”

 

“It’s okay.” Changmin lifted his shoulder, smiled to the other man. “It’s… fine.”

 

No it isn’t.

 

Changmin itched to help Yunho brought his bag. To get the water for him. To open the door. To help him wearing his jacket. Or just to walked beside him. Changmin would tell Yunho how his day went while Yunho looked down to the street, careful with his crutches, maybe gave some look and smiled to him, responded to his story and asked unimportant questions. And Changmin just gonna held onto Yunho’s jacket because he couldn’t hold his hand.

 

But he just couldn’t. He was Yunho’s nobody.

 

 

*

 

 

Junsu was super excited when he heard Yunho played in a Hollywood movie that he let out his dolphin voice. Changmin caught Yoochun blushed while staring at his lover. Maybe it was his fetish or something, Changmin didn’t want to admit he was curious anyway.

 

“I just danced a bit and that’s all. That’s embarrassing, Junsu-yah, it’s nothing to brag about.” Yunho didn’t lift his head.

 

“But still, Hyung! Do you think there’s any chance that another producer watch the movie and got interested in you? Gosh, Hyung! What’s the title?” Junsu’s voice was high pitched.

 

It was somehow decided that they would go to the dvd rental and watched it together in Yunho’s apartment, because Junsu hadn’t been there.

 

“And Changminnie hasn’t seen Yunho’s new place too, right?” Junsu asked. Now Jaejoong, Junsu, and Yoochun felt a bit more comfortable between the two ex lovers.

 

Though actually Changmin just played it cool, because actually there was a hurricane in his heart. “I… have an appointment.”

 

“You mean a date with Julien.” Jaejoong corrected him.

 

Yoochun gave him a look.

 

“Yeah, I’m meeting with him.” Changmin wrapped it up. “Now if you excuse me…” he gathered his things and left.

 

There was an awkward silence before Junsu spoke up. “So! What about that movie, eh? Let’s go!”

 

Yunho, Junsu, and Jaejoong were in the rental while Yoochun was buying snacks in the convenience store.

 

“Donghae is approaching Amber.” Jaejoong said casually as he looked at the neat rows of the dvds uninterestedly. “He’s just playing with her. I know that.”

 

Yunho and Junsu exchanged a look.

 

“You gonna tell Yoochun?” Junsu asked.

 

Jaejoong huffed.

 

“That guy, Jae, can be a future you. So shut your mouth and let Amber be, okay.” Yunho said.

 

Junsu gave a firm nod, agreed with Yunho’s words.

 

Jaejoong looked at Junsu and Yunho alternately. “Gosh. I feel like Amber has three brothers instead of just one.” He rolled his eyes. “I hate seeing Yoochun angry, okay! But it’s real!”

 

“I’m sure Amber has ways to protect herself.” Junsu said, patted Jaejoong’s shoulder.

 

“But she really have a bad taste in men,” and that made Jaejoong afraid that the girl would let Donghae into her world easily.

 

“Then she sure will like you.” Yunho said, and Junsu gave him a high five.

 

Jaejoong could only pout because Yoochun came back from the store and asked if they had pick the movie yet.

 

 

*

 

 

“Changmin?”

 

Changmin blinked and looked at the man in front of him. “Yes?”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

There was this one time when Changmin was waiting for Yunho in this café. Yunho taught dance for high school students and they had a competition. As a good teacher, Yunho came to give his support for his students. He said he could make it on time to meet Changmin for their late night movie date. It was this newest sci-fi movie Changmin wanted to watch so much.

 

It was 9 and the movie would start at 9.25 and Yunho was nowhere in sight, dammit.

 

“They closed the subway, Min. An electricity problem, they said.”

 

It was raining hard and Changmin disconnected the call after Yunho told him the reason why he wasn’t there yet. Fuck, Yunho should’ve just let him watched alone, since he always slept in the “I… I mean, it’s not boring, Minnie. It’s just…  not understandable,” movie.

 

Changmin was so pissed he wanted to smash the wall. He could see the pouring rain and hard wind blew in the entire city through the glass wall. And he was stuck for sure.

 

Time passed, and the rain calmed down a bit. So did his anger.

 

But then Yunho came, drenched wet, fingers cold, and tapped his shoulder. Gave him his wide, stupid grin. “I got the ticket for midnight. Still up for it?”

 

Changmin just looked at the man. His black coat and entire clothes clung to his wet body. Drops of water fell from his hair and chin.

 

“The taxi is waiting.” Yunho added.

 

That was one of many moments when Changmin felt confused. Whether he should punch, hug, hit, slap, or just kissed the man senseless. So he did all of it after Yunho’s apologizes when there were only two (three plus the taxi driver) of them in the taxi.

 

Changmin looked at the man in front of him. And blinked.

 

“You feel okay? Are you feeling sick?” Julien asked warily.

 

“I’m fine.” Changmin gave him a small smile. “Just… there’s something I suddenly remember. But that’s not important.”

 

Julien smiled. “Yeah. It happens to me too, sometimes.”

 

Later, Julien walked him to his apartment and Changmin had been contemplating whether he should invite Julien in or not.

 

“Maybe I shouldn’t. I have stacks of paper I should grade.” Julien shrugged.

 

Changmin nodded. “Okay, then.”

 

Julien suddenly leaned closer and their chests touched, Changmin could feel Julien’s rough stubble brushed his cheek, and the older man pulled back.

 

Changmin was confused.

 

Julien face was red. “I’m…” he let out an awkward laugh. “I was about to kiss you but… I don’t know if I should, but…”

 

Changmin face turned red too. And he laughed awkwardly as well.

 

Julien laughed went slower until he stopped. “Can I… may I kiss you?”

 

Changmin couldn’t refuse. But he couldn’t say yes either.

 

Julien waited for the answer that yet to come from Changmin’s mouth. “Wow, this is awkward.”

 

Changmin smiled nervously.

 

“Well… so Changmin,” Julien said. “Just in case you haven’t figured it out,” he looked at Changmin’s eyes. “I like you.”

 

Changmin froze.

 

“Yeah. So. There.” Julien exhaled heavily. “Guess… I’ll take my leave now.” He smiled. “See you,” he turned and walked away.

 

“Julien,” Changmin called, after he came to his senses.

 

Julien stopped and turned around to look at the younger man.

 

“Just an advice,” Changmin said. “If you were to kiss someone, just kiss them. To prevent any other awkward events like… well, just now.”

 

Julien looked at Changmin for a while. “Is that a permission?” he asked cheekily.

 

“It’s an advice.” Changmin replied, grinned mischievously.

 

Julien laughed. “Okay.”

 

“See you, then,” Changmin watched the man disappeared in the elevator and found his smiling self was unstoppable.

 

 

*

 

 

It was one evening that Jaejoong just finished his classes and ready for home when he spotted someone from the second floor. Near the warehouse, Amber was smoking. And he wasted no time to rush to that place.

 

It wasn’t like Jaejoong was against that, but the girl seemed pretty upset as he blew the smoke out from her lips.

 

Just like Yoochun.

 

“What’s up?” Jaejoong asked, sat next to her. He promised he’d kill Donghae if he really would hurt this girl.

 

Amber looked away.

 

Jaejoong lit up a cigarette for himself, inhaled it and let the nicotine flew through his nerves and system. “You promised me to tell me anything, Amber.”

 

“I promised nothing.” She replied.

 

“Boys?” he carefully asked.

 

Amber didn’t answer.

 

“I won’t leave you alone if you don’t tell me.” Jaejoong threatened.

 

“No, it’s just… my grade.”

 

Jaejoong looked at her confusedly.

 

Amber chuckled. “I know it sounds stupid. But if my score for every classes slide any lower, they can take the scholarship away.”

 

Jaejoong knew the Park was working really hard with the financial matter without a father in the family. They lived well and happy that made Jaejoong almost forgot about their hardships.

 

“It’s no big deal. I’ll be better next time.” Amber said.

 

“I know you will.” Jaejoong proud of her. “And hey, how about you and Yoochun?”

 

“We’re fine. We’ll fight again later. But yeah, we’re good.” Amber said.

 

Jaejoong hummed and he felt curious about something. “Did Yoochun talk to you about me?”

 

Amber inhaled the smoke deeply. “Yeah. I have to thank you, by the way, for taking a good care of my brother.”

 

Jaejoong waved his hand in dismissal. “Heh. It’s nothing.” He shrugged.

 

“He said you’re a nice person. A very good Hyung.”

 

If Yoochun categorized him as a nice person, was it nice enough to let Jaejoong date his sister.

 

“And you’re a good cook. And despite your cold look, you’re actually a caring person.” Amber continued.

 

“Wow, I don’t expect him to talk that good about me.” Jaejoong snorted.

 

“He also said you’re a player.” Amber added.

 

“I’m not!” Jaejoong quickly retorted.

 

Amber gave him a look. “I have eyes too, you know. I can see it.”

 

No, no, no! Although it was a yes, Jaejoong was still need to claim it, he couldn’t look bad in Amber’s eyes! “But I-“

 

“It’s okay, I don’t give a damn about it.” Amber smiled to calm him down.

 

Jaejoong screamed in his heart. He wanted Amber to give a damn.

 

 

*

 

 

Yunho head a sobbing sound in the bathroom. Then he stopped peeing to hear it carefully. Heard nothing. So he continued to pee in peace but then it could be heard again after he zipped his pants.

 

Yunho went to the university much earlier, since he thought his leg would be a problem to make him got to places in time. But he arrived so early that the university was so empty and the first person he met was the janitor.

 

Sure, he was a grownup man and it was morning already, but he still felt scared being alone in the bathroom with sobbing sounds.

 

“Somebody in there?” Yunho asked, tried to face the horror, since running away was out of the options because of his injured leg.

 

The sobbing stopped.

 

“Hello?” Yunho asked again.

 

There was a sound of snot and a man clearing his throat, and Yunho convinced himself that it was a human being in there, not an unknown object. Then he left the bathroom after he thought that maybe the man didn’t want to be disturbed.

 

Yunho left the bathroom hurriedly that he forgot he left his bag there. He tsked annoyingly, and when he opened the door, a man came out and bumped into him. He was unstable and with his weak leg, Yunho fell to the floor.

 

“Hyung!”

 

Yunho looked up and saw the man. “Kai?”

 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Yunho Hyung. I didn’t expect… here, let me help you,” he held Yunho’s arms and lifted him, brought him back up.

 

“No, no, it’s okay. It’s a silly accident.”

 

Kai hummed and looked down, brushed his nose. When he looked at Yunho, he realized the senior was staring and he asked, “Are you going somewhere, Hyung?”

 

“Ah. Well, I left my bag in the bathroom.” Yunho just remembered. He noticed Kai’s red eyes and nose. Was the kid crying?

 

“I’ll get that for you.” Kai said and he disappeared to the bathroom to retrieve Yunho’s bag.

 

“Thanks,”

 

“Oh, just let me hold onto it, Hyung.” Kai offered.

 

“Please don’t.” Yunho reached for his bag.

 

“No, really, Hyung. I know your shoulder hurts too from wearing the crutches.” Kai said. “Just… as an apology because I make you fall just now.”

 

“Okay.” It wasn’t the first time Kai helped Yunho to bring his bag anyway. The boy had helped him a lot. “When I did ballet, I injured my knee once and had to wear crutches for eight months. I know how hard it is, Hyung,” Kai said once, when Yunho showed his gratitude to him after helping Yunho carrying the groceries.

 

“Why you come so early?”

 

“I… came to the dance studio. The dorm is quite small and it doesn’t have enough empty space to dance, so…” Kai rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“So you always come this early?”

 

“Only for the past two months after the janitor let me to borrow the key.”

 

Yunho admired Kai’s young and hardworking soul. “It’s still too early. Do you drink coffee?”

 

Kai nodded slowly.

 

“Let’s go to the café for a while.” Yunho suggested, and Kai happily agreed.

 

Ten minutes later, they were in the nearby café with hot coffee in both hands.

 

“Kai, can I ask you something?” Yunho asked the younger man who was staring emptily to the table.

 

Kai looked up. “Yes, Hyung?”

 

“Do you… have any problem?” Yunho asked carefully. Why did this young boy cried early in the morning in the university’s bathroom?

 

Kai bit his lip insecurely.

 

“You can tell me and I promise I won’t tell anybody.” Yunho added.

 

Kai took a deep breath. “It’s… it’s…” his breath hitched. “People think… that I’m a sucker.”

 

Yunho’s eyes widened. He didn’t understand, but said nothing to let the man continue.

 

“They say that… I’m trying too hard that it’s fake.” Kai was still looking at the table. “No matter how hard you try, you’re still nothing, they said.”

 

Yunho didn’t expect that people saw Kai that way.

 

“They think I’m an ass kisser because I hang out with you too much. I’m so shameless, trying to steal your spot. Stab you from behind…” Kai mumbled. “But I really- I’m not like that, Hyung. I know I’m nothing compare to you, so I’m not trying to steal your spotlight because I know it’s just not for me.” His eyes were teary again.

 

Yunho could sense that the man was being honest as he wiped his tears.

 

“And I love being with you… because I admire you, Hyung. I’m not being an ass-“

 

“I understand, Kai.” Yunho calmed him. “And I believe in you.”

 

Kai looked at him.

 

His eyelashes were wet and he had those big eyes, made him looked innocent and it reminded Yunho of someone else. That certain someone who could make his heart ached only with the look of his eyes. Because when he was sad, Yunho was even sadder. Yunho would cry with him, and after the time passed, he’d wipe those tears away and promised himself to make the man happy. Never let him shed another tears, unless it was happiness.

 

Yunho leaned across the table and wiped the younger’s wet cheek. “Don’t let people bring you down. And even if you cry, it doesn’t mean that you’re weak.”

 

Kai nodded and smiled.

 

And Yunho wondered if that man, could smile again without Yunho being there, drying his tears.

 

They walked back to the university and Kai was going to another way to his dorm.

 

“Thank you so much, Hyung.” Kai said.

 

“Promise me that you’ll stay strong, okay.” Yunho gave Kai a light hug.

 

But then the younger hugged him tighter and Yunho’s crutches fell and he let them. Hugged Kai back and rubbed the man’s back.

 

“I… really like you, Hyung.”

 

 


	8. Two Streetfighters and A Changmin

 

 

“I… really like you, Hyung.”

 

Kai’s heart beat fast. He said it. He said it. He confessed to Yunho. It came out just like that, the feeling had bubbling up inside him for quite some time. It was his kindness. His thoughtfulness. When he had no friend, Yunho came to him like an angel sent from heaven.

 

And when the older man hugged him, he just lost it.

 

“I like you too, dongsaeng,” Yunho’s palm were big and warm, he rubbed his back gently, and patted it.

 

Kai’s heart stopped. _I’m just a dongsaeng. I’m only a little brother_.

 

Yunho pulled out from the hug and looked at him, stroke his hair.

 

“I’ll… be going, then.” He said slowly. Bit his lip to hold his bursting feeling. Took Yunho’s crutches from the ground and gave them to the older man.

 

“I’ll see you at lunch.”

 

Kai smiled. “Sure, Hyung.”

 

 

*

 

 

“I’ve told you to be careful around him, Amber.”

 

“Yeah, five times. I count them.” Amber gathered her books and leave the machine. She was copying some material in the library when Jaejoong came and followed her around. “Five times verbally. Through messages, hmph, countless.”

 

“It’s because you should be!” Jaejoong said. He had seen Donghae around Amber too much. And Amber laughed to the player too happily to his likings.

 

“I am! But why can’t I allow him being nice to me?” Amber turned and looked at Jaejoong in the eye. “He never forced me to do anything. If I say no, it’s fine with him.”

 

Jaejoong closed his eyes and sighed. “You don’t understand.”

 

“No, you don’t understand.” Amber pointed her finger to Jaejoong’s chest. “He wrote lyrics and rap it for me.” She looked down and bit her lip.

 

She looked somewhat feminine then in Jaejoong’s eyes. “That’s sweet.” He remembered that one time when he rapped to Amber. The girl just said, “No, _Hyung_ , this thing isn’t for you.”

 

“Look, when you said that you won’t tell Yoochun, I thought I can trust you.”

 

“You can trust me! I’ve done nothing to make you doubt your trust in me. The one who shouldn’t be getting your trust it Kim Donghae, Amber.”

 

“Lee Donghae.” Amber corrected him.

 

“He’s a player.” There. He said it.

 

“And you’re not?” Amber lifted her eyebrows. “You’re not in the position to judge.”

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin could see Yunho in a distance, went out from a café. He had been contemplated to say hi, but he realized that another man was holding the door for the man in crutches.

 

And he was nailed to his spot when he saw the kid hugged Yunho.

 

The older man looked shocked, and Changmin thought it was because Yunho didn’t expect the hug. And Changmin sensed a one sided love come from the junior. But Yunho held him back. Let his crutches fell. Held onto him.

 

Changmin would give anything to be in that position. Became Yunho’s trusted one, the one Yunho hold on to for his dear life. The one who accompany him during his hard time, be there always, only for him.

 

Yunho let go of the hug and Kai took the crutches. Changmin quickly diverted his eyes and continued walking, took a further way around so he didn’t have to meet Yunho. He was going to his class but he spotted Yoochun, Jaejoong, and Junsu in a corridor.

 

“Yunho Hyung had a doctor appointment today, can you accompany him, Chun?” Junsu asked. “I have to pick up my brother in the airport.”

 

“I have to teach piano lesson today,” Yoochun sighed.

 

Changmin had nothing to do and he was this close to volunteer.

 

“It’s okay. He’s going with Kai.” Jaejoong said.

 

“Kai?” Changmin repeated.

 

Jaejoong just realized Changmin was there. So did the two other men. Junsu looked back at Jaejoong.

 

“Well. He had been accompanied him in the previous doctor visit when I couldn’t go with him.” Jaejoong explained. “He’s a good kid.” He added.

 

“Are they dating?” Yoochun asked, and Changmin was thankful that he didn’t have to ask that question.

 

“Do you consider doctor visit as a date?” Jaejoong asked.

 

“Well… I saw them in a café this morning.” Changmin said casually. He tried not to sound weird. What if someone thought he stalked Yunho?!

 

“That kid has a massive crush on Yunho though. But you know him… he’s not that kind of person who date easily.”

 

But he hugged him too!, Changmin wanted to scream. And Yunho hugged him back…

 

“I gotta go.” Jaejoong said, before left them.

 

Yoochun kept an eye on the older man, before turned to Junsu and speak, “Do you know if he’s keeping a secret for me?"

 

Junsu eyes widened and he gave a quick glance to Changmin, who felt nervous too. “W… what? Really? Why?”

 

“Well, he’s said that he wanted to tell me something, and I said go ahead. But then he said, no, no, it’s fine.” Yoochun said. “What the heck? What’s he trying to say?”

 

“Maybe he stole your music sheets again, Hyung.” Changmin teased. But none of the men were laughing. “Okay. I have a class now. See you at lunch.”

 

 

*

 

 

“Your place is nice,” Julien said, took off his shoes and placed them neatly.

 

“Thanks,” Changmin said. “Wanna have something to drink?” he went to the kitchen.

 

“I brought a gift.” Julien showed him a paper bag be bought. “Wine.”

 

Changmin’s eyes widened. “Really? Whoa… thank you!” he brought two glasses to the living room, gave Julien the bottle opener and enjoyed the wine. “How’s the lesson going?” he sat next to the taller man.

 

“Hmm… it’s tiring.” Julien sighed, put his arm around Changmin’s shoulder. “But somehow worth it.”

 

Changmin leaned to Julien’s broad chest and though it felt different and somewhat weird, it was comfortable. “Tell me about it.” He sipped his wine.

 

“Well…” Julien took a deep breath, carefully took Changmin’s hand.

 

Changmin let him.

 

“There are two new students in the beginning of the week. They’re elementary school students and I don’t know how to deal with children.” Julien said, his long fingers started to massage Changmin’s head. “Yeah… but they speak pretty good English so it’s quite easy to communicate with them. Do you know why their mom want them to study French?”

 

“Why?”

 

“She’s dating this French guy and wanted her kids to be able to speak French too.”

 

Changmin laughed. “That’s because her boyfriend is French?”

 

“Hey, what’s wrong with a French boyfriend?” Julien stopped massaging and looked at the younger man.

 

“Oooh, don’t you feel offended.” Changmin slapped Julien’s thigh lightly.

 

“Why… what do you think of French boyfriend?”

 

Changmin didn’t look at the man. He could feel Julien’s beating heat from that angle and he could feel his own heart beat faster too. “Back to the story?”

 

“Well. That’s the end of the story.” Julien said, his breath blew Changmin’s hair.

 

Changmin slipped out from Julien’s embrace to pour both of them more wine. When he turned to give Julien’s his glass, the older man surged forward and kissed him.

 

He spilled the wine and the glass fell to the sofa, but Julien’s lips were soft and he was some kind of hot and it felt really nice and damn. Julien was a good kisser. So Changmin let the older man savor him, and he tasted the expensive wine in the French guy’s tongue.

 

Julien pushed him to lay down on the sofa and the glass fell to the carpet. Their breath mingled and he could feel the heavy, intoxicating air between them. The older man’s rough stubble brushed against his soft cheek and Changmin shivered at the feeling.

 

Changmin could feel Julien sucked his lower lip and he bit Julien’s upper lip lightly. Changmin could hear the man above him moaned and his fingers combed through Julien’s short hair.

 

Changmin felt a bit disappointed when Julien pulled up and looked down to his eyes. His lips were luscious red and wet and fuck, Changmin wanted to kiss again.

 

“Not awkward?” Julien asked, reminded him of his attempt for their first kiss.

 

Changmin laughed. “Yeah, like I said. Just kiss.” He thumbed Julien’s cheek.

 

Julien grinned. “Glad I followed your advice.”

 

Changmin laughed harder.

 

“You’re gorgeous.”

 

Changmin’s laugh went slower. And he pulled Julien to kiss some more.

 

 

*

 

 

Jaejoong saw a big crowd once he entered the canteen. He saw Donghae, and the man pulled a girl to the center and fuck. He knew what it was. Fuck, it was the deadline of the bet and they would embarrass her anytime now.

 

“Junsu, go find Yoochun and do anything so he wouldn’t come here. Now.” Jaejoong instructed.

 

“But, why? What ha-“

 

“Hurry up!” Jaejoong gave a serious look to Junsu, and the man sighed before went to find Yoochun.

 

“Jae, what is it?” Yunho asked.

 

Donghae kissed Amber‘s cheek the crowd was cheering. Amber pushed Donghae away and looked confused.

 

“What’s wrong, Baby? Shouldn’t we declare our relationship now?” Donghae looked at Amber and tucked her hair behind her ear.

 

Amber whispered something to Donghae and tried to get away from the crowd.

 

“Wait a second,” Donghae held her hand.

 

“Donghae, I-“ Amber looked uncomfortable.

 

“Amber, wait. We need to confirm something.” Taecyeon said. “Do you really date this guy?”

 

Amber looked at Donghae. Felt something wrong but didn’t know what to do.

 

Donghae looked at her with puppy eyes, held her hand and kissed her knuckles. “You’re my girlfriend, right?”

 

“You’re his girlfriend? Oh my God! Amber! You won the bet!” Jaejoong split the crowd and went to Amber.

 

Everyone was looking at Jaejoong like a green alien with one eye and three ears, suddenly dropped from a UFO in the middle of them.

 

Jaejoong whistled. “Gotta hand it to you. I mean, how can you do that? Damn girl, I can’t believe you can fool him that easy!”

 

“What is this?” Taeyeon asked.

 

Jaejoong turned to Taecyeon. “Well. Amber and I made a bet, whether she can be Donghae’s boyfriend in… a time given.”

 

Taeceyon grinned evilly. “So I see you don’t win the bet, Hae.”

 

“Bet? What bet?” Amber looked at Taecyeon and Donghae back and forth.

 

“Well, you see… we made a bet whether Donghae can make you his. But I-“

 

“It doesn’t mean I lost!” Donghae cut him.

 

Jaejoong could see Amber’s eyes were watery. “Okay! That’s enough information you gave, I’m afraid. And now If you excuse us, we have things to be settled.” He took Amber’s hand. “Let’s go.”

 

 

*

 

 

“Do you see Jaejoong?” Yunho asked.

 

Changmin shook his head. “I was about to searching for you guys.”

 

Yunho huffed and kept walking. “There’s was something big happened just now.”

 

“Wow.” Changmin raised his eyebrows at how fast Yunho moved, didn’t expect the man could walk that fast. “What happened?”

 

“Fuck,” Yunho muttered, and walked even faster after he saw something on his left side.

 

Changmin followed his gaze, and he saw what Yunho saw.

 

Shindong was holding Jaejoong in place while Kangin threw punches to his face. Donghae was smoking on the other side, watching the show. Jaejoong was one of a hell streefighter, but if you were being hold by a big hairy gorilla like Shindong, it was hard to fight back. Well, maybe if you were Jung Yunho, who could bend down the metal pole of the traffic light. And speaking of Yunho…

 

How could the man get there that fast, Changmin thought, ran quickly to the back of the university building where they had the fight.

 

“Yunho, don’t-“ Changmin tried to hold Yunho got into the fight. But he was speechless at the same time.

 

“Three versus one? You gotta be fucking kidding me.” Yunho threw his bag to the ground.

 

Kangin looked at Yunho and scoffed.

 

“Get the fuck away from my friend, asshole.”

 

Wow. That was the first time Changmin heard Yunho cursing another person so bad. With his glaring eyes, clenched teeth and tight fist. He was one damn fine sexy man.

 

Changmin slapped himself and reminded himself that they were having a fight right then.

 

In a blink of an eye, Kangin threw his fist at Yunho, but the man could get away and hit Kangin shin’s hard with his left crutch.  Jaejoong made use of Shindong unawareness to elbow his stomach hard, turned around and kneed the big man’s crotch, made him fell to the ground.

 

“Hyung, just… Yunho…” fuck. Changmin was at loss at what to do. Yunho was still injured and of course he couldn’t fight. And Jaejoong was so freaking thin he afraid the man would break and he wanted all those wrestlers to just stop for the humanity’s sake.

 

Now it was the either way around. Jaejoong was holding Kangin from behind with all his might, while Yunho made his nose bleed.

 

“Yunho! Behind you!” Jaejoong shouted.

 

It was too late. Donghae kicked Yunho’s thigh and the man fall.

 

“Way to go, cripple.”

 

Jaejoong smashed Kangin to the nearest wall, and the victim was being too concerned about the quantity of the blood coming out from his forehead, so he quickly turned to help Yunho, but-

 

Changmin punched Donghae hard in the face.

 

“OUCH!”  
  
  
But it was Changmin’s own scream of pain coming out not long after.

 

“Changmin, are you okay?” Yunho dragged his ass to go to Changmin, who was sitting on the ground, holding his right hand.

 

“Gosh, why do guys you love throwing punches, it fucking hurt so much!” Changmin gripped his poor hand to his chest.

 

“Then why are you getting involved?”

 

“He’s calling you cripple! That idiot dumbass!” Changmin wiggled his hand wildly, tried to reduce the pain.

 

“Stop it, let me see,” Yunho took Changmin’s hand checked his bruised knuckles.

 

Changmin could feel Yunho’s calloused and slightly rough palm on his hurting and hot hand. He loved that feeling and almost forgot about it. How could he, he even bought hand cream for Yunho once, and put it on for the man every night.

 

“He lost two teeth!” Jaejoong laughed. “Donghae lost two teeth!”

 

Yunho laughed. “You made him lost two teeth.” He looked at Changmin.

 

“I made him lost two teeth!” Changmin cheered for himself. Didn’t expect he’d do such a brave thing to a man.

 

The three men walked back in glory from the war. The bloody ground they left. The fight had been hard.

 

 

*

 

 

“How is she?” Yunho asked as Jaejoong disconnected the call.

 

“Junsu said they’re going back home. I asked him to accompany them. I’m afraid Yoochun will explode.” Jaejoong said, rubbed his shoulder. It was so fucking hurts.

 

“Yeah, tell him I already made the motherfucker lost two teeth!” Changmin threw random punches to the air. “Assa~!”

 

Yunho and Jaejoong exchanged a grin.

 

“Ah… the joy of a first fist fight.” Jaejoong sighed. “Nothing could exchange that excitement.”

 

Yunho just nodded in agreement and chuckled softly.

 

Jaejoong went home and Yunho and Changmin continued to walk to their apartment.

 

“You have to treat that.” Changmin could see Yunho’s purple cheekbone and there was a small cut that bleed in that bruise.

 

“It’s okay.” Yunho said, gave him a small smile. Any wider, it would hurt his cheek.

 

“I have an ointment. Let’s go to my place first.” Changmin said.

 

Yunho said nothing but followed the younger to his apartment.

 

“Come in,” Changmin opened the door and took off his shoes. Went to his bedroom to find the ointment. “Take a seat. Let me clean your wound.” But when he turned around, Yunho wasn’t there.

 

The man was still in front of his door. Staring blankly to the insides of the apartment.

 

“You’re… not coming in?” Changmin walked slowly to the door.

 

“I’d… rather not.”

  
Changmin couldn’t read Yunho’s expression. It wasn’t a sad one. But also far from happy.

 

“Oh.” He traced the little glass bottle in his hand. “Okay.”

 

How dumb of him to think that he would have Yunho sitting in the sofa. And him cleaning his wound, patting that handsome face with wet towel before putting on the ointment.

 

“Here you go,” Changmin gave Yunho the bottle.

 

“You need it yourself,” Yunho showed his knuckles. “Knocked out two teeth.”

 

Changmin scoffed. “Yeah, I have another one. You can take this.”

 

Yunho received the bottle. “Thank you,”

 

Changmin nodded slowly. “You’re… welcome.”

 

“I’ll be going, then.” He straightened and walked a step backward before turned. “Bye.”

 

“Bye.” Changmin gave Yunho one last smile before the man went away and closed the door.

 

 

*

 

 

“Then why are you getting involved?”

 

“He’s calling you cripple! That idiot dumbass!”

 

Yunho smiled and looked at the ointment bottle in his hand. His heart felt a small burst of warmness he missed for so long. Changmin was punching a guy for him? Yunho couldn’t help but felt a tinge of happiness when he knew Changmin would do such thing for him.

 

Maybe not as much for a lover. Wasn’t Yunho fight for Jaejoong too? Then, why wouldn’t Changmin do the same for him?

 

Yunho tried to push down his feelings as they walked to Changmin’s apartment. Their old apartment. Or had Changmin moved to a new one, just like him?

 

It was their apartment.

 

Nothing had changed. It was exactly the way Yunho remembered.

 

Unless one thing.

 

He was waiting for Changmin by the door, contemplated to enter it or not and he could hear Changmin’s faint voice speaking inside. He couldn’t hear it well so he wondered if he should follow the younger man in.

 

Yunho’s eyes caught something.

  
A pair of leather glove on the small table by the door. He smiled at the thought of Changmin wearing it. Took them off as soon as he entered the apartment before he took off his jacket as well. Yunho traced the glove with his fingers, the delicate and soft black leather. He put his hand on it.

 

It was bigger than Yunho’s hand.

 

“My hand is too small,” Changmin pouted, stretched his fingers in front of them.

“They’re lovely.” Yunho stretched his fingers as well and put their palms together.

“They’re small.” Changmin stated, again. “Smaller than yours. The fingers are too short for my long body.”

Yunho bent his knuckles and gripped Changmin’s hand. “They’re the right size.”

Changmin held Yunho’s hand, looked at the older man and gave him a kiss.

 

Then Yunho realized it.

 

The gloves weren’t Changmin’s.

 

They belonged to another man.

 

“You’re not coming in?”

 

Yunho looked at the man in front of him. He knew he shouldn’t be there.

 

As he faced his own apartment, Yunho realized he had to take care of himself now. No more scolding from Changmin. No more “Yunho you make the floor wet. Yunho I’ve told you not to wear your shoes inside. Yunho can’t you pour the water to the glass first don’t drink straight from the bottle.”

 

He uncapped the ointment bottle and put the content on his bruise.

 

The lonely feeling was now familiar. And Yunho was learning to welcome it. Bit his lip at the sharp pain, told himself it was from the wound on his face, not the wound in his heart.

 

_At least Changmin didn’t have to be alone like this…_

 

 

 


	9. He Shouldn't Do That

 

It wasn’t a right choice to ask Yunho to come to his apartment.

 

 _Their_ apartment. Used to.

 

And Changmin had turned and walked ahead to the bedroom, because he was afraid seeing Yunho by the door, taking off his shoes, arranged them neatly… it would be too much for him. He was afraid that he would… miss it too much.

 

That the older man actually just stood before the door, never occurred to him. Changmin thought Yunho would be sitting awkwardly on the couch. Or in the kitchen, grazed his fingers on the spotless table. Or maybe looking into the mirror they placed near the door.

 

Yunho didn’t even walk in.

 

And there he was, already imagining he’d clean Yunho’s wound and put the ointment for him. Because then, being a kind man Yunho was, he would do the same to Changmin.

 

He looked at his swollen knuckles and sighed. Somehow, he didn’t want the bruise to go away.

 

 

*

 

 

“Thank you for… yesterday. But I really want to be alone now.”

 

Amber was in her favorite place, the warehouse, and Jaejoong came for her. He heard from Junsu that the girl said nothing when he and Yoochun met her. But of course Yoochun knew what happened. He knew about Donghae but knew nothing about Jaejoong. They went home together, while Jaejoong had a fight.

 

“I don’t want to go.” Jaejoong stated, sat on an empty wooden box.

 

Amber said nothing but didn’t look at him.

 

“Listen, Amber. I think I love you.” The words came out just like that from his mouth.

 

Amber was still.

 

“I mean it.” Jaejoong added. “It had been a while and I don’t know what shit is this feeling called when I see you. I’ve… I’ve never felt this way. It was still foreign to me. But I will do anything for you.” His words were messy and he really hoped he had arranged them earlier.

 

“My Oppa will hit real hard, then.” Amber replied after some time passed. She finally took a good look at Jaejoong.

 

Jaejoong looked at her deeply, stood up and walked to her. “All those cowards who ran away after your brother beat them up... I'm not them, Amber.” He said. “I'll take the fight. For u.”

 

“Liar.” Amber whispered.

 

“I’m not lying to you. Never did, never would.”

 

“I hope you lied.” Amber said. “I know what kind of guy you are, Kim Jaejoong. A liar. Player. You hook up with girls who lay their eyes on you. And I don’t need my brother to tell me to stay away from you because I just would. But you are-“ she was speechless and let out a deep sigh. She couldn’t deny the fact that Jaejoong was actually good to her.

 

“I know I’m not a good man but I’m willing to change for you.”

 

“That sounds dumb. I don’t want you to change for me.”

 

“Wow, you just made me love you deeper.” Jaejoong smiled softly.

 

“I don’t believe it.” Amber replied bitterly.

 

“I will make you believe.” Jaejoong said.

 

 

*

 

 

“Oh, that’s him.” Taemin pointed out the man.

 

“That’s Yunho’s Hyung ex boyfriend?” Kai whispered, he was looking at the guy who was standing tall, searching books after books from shelves to shelves. He kept staring until the man got his book, and went to search for the librarian.

 

Taemin nodded. “They had been together even before Yunho Hyung entered the university. So it’s more than three years.” He said quietly.

 

The man was slim and he had such nice long legs. His dark brown hair looked soft and fell naturally to his forehead. The handsome big doe eyes and glorious high cheekbones made him looked so fucking gorgeous and he wasn’t even talking about the lips. Those lips. Kai could imagine those wide lips were attached to Jung Yunho’s puffy ones.

  
And of course it wasn’t just his appearance. His face. His body. It was more than three years they had been together. There must be something that man had that could keep Yunho beside him for that long.

 

The man thanked the librarian, took his book and walked out the library elegantly.

 

That was the first time Kai felt highly inadequate of himself.

 

 

*

 

 

Jaejoong held Amber’s hand when he was walking her to the bus station. Well, it was more like Jaejoong followed her around because she disagreed the idea of them walking together. The girl pulled back her hand but the man gripped it tight.

 

“Let go!”

 

“Don’t want to.”

 

“I will yell that you’re raping me.” Amber threatened him.

 

Jaejoong gave her a perverted smile.

 

Amber hissed.

 

“Ah! Look at that! A new sushi bar!” Jaejoong pointed a small food stall across the street. “Buy one get one! Whoa, Amber! It’s so suitable to us!”

 

“What make is suitable- wait! Oppa!”

 

Amber was being dragged to the sushi bar, seated next to Jaejoong and the man asked for a menu. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay.”

 

“What makes you think I’ll pay anyway…” she muttered, but finally put some liking to the idea of having lunch together with him.

 

It made Jaejoong smiled.

 

They finished the food and Amber asked for a piggyback ride. Which, of course, Jaejoong did it happily, his arms went around Amber’s thighs to hold her weight.

 

“Will you really do anything for me?” Amber asked.

 

Jaejoong smiled. She remembered, he thought. “Yep.”

 

Amber leaned down her head on Jaejoong’s left shoulder. “What if I want you to buy me a car?”

 

Jaejoong scoffed. “You wouldn’t do that.”

 

“Buy me a car.” Amber said bluntly. “Hurry, buy me a car.”

 

Jaejoong sighed, but his eyes spotted a toy store, where he bought a toy car for the girl who refused to get down from his back. He could hear Amber held her own laugh at Jaejoong’s wit.

 

“I want the blue one.” Amber pointed to the display window.

 

“The blue one, please, Omoni.” Jaejoong said, breath a bit heavy because he felt tired carrying Amber.

 

“You have one spoilt little sister, hmm?” the Ahjumma teased them as she took the car Amber wanted.

 

“She’s not my sister,” Jaejoong said. “Don’t we look good together, Omoni?”

 

“Omo, so you are his girlfriend?” the Ahjumma asked Amber.

 

Amber shook her head calmly.

 

Jaejoong sighed. “That’s right. I’m just her slave, her slave…”

 

Amber laughed. But at least when she asked Jaejoong to buy her ice cream, she offered a bite to the man. “I should gain more weight, don’t you think so, Oppa?”

 

“You should gain more feelings for me.”

 

Amber punched Jaejoong in the head.

 

 

*

 

 

They went out drinking together in a bar and when Yoochun excused himself to go to the bathroom, Jaejoong spoke up.

 

“Do you think I should tell Yoochun?”

 

“About what?”

 

“I confessed to Amber.”

 

Junsu gasped. “You fucking did not.”

 

“I fucking did.” Jaejoong replied, gulped his beer. “And we went out together two times. So should I tell him?” he looked at Junsu and Yunho back and forth.

 

“Tell him.” Yunho shrugged. “Jae, you got those bruises for her. Tell her brother.”

 

Jaejoong nodded. “Junsu?”

 

“I don’t know.” Junsu was unsure.

 

“Hey, where’s Changmin?” Yoochun came back from the restroom.

 

“Hey, Hyung,”

 

All eyes went to Changmin. And the guy beside him.

 

“I… bring Julien with me. Is that okay?” he took a seat next to Jaejoong.

 

“Of course.”

 

Julien introduced himself to everyone, sat between Changmin and Yoochun. Changmin stole a glance to Yunho, who was paying attention to Julien.

 

Okay. He admitted he wanted to test him. He wanted to know how Yunho would react if… Changmin brought someone with him. Would he be mad? Of course not, he was a mature, charismatic guy Jung Yunho. But at least, would Yunho give a sign of jealousy or… anything? Something,… Changmin hated to beg but he really wished Yunho was… still have feelings for him.

 

“They’re all my Hyung, two years older than me.” Changmin said, after Julien finished talking. “And Julien is four years older than me.”

 

“Why don’t you call me Hyung, then?” Julien nudged Changmin’s shoulder.

 

Changmin rolled his eyes. “Please.” He called the waiter to order something to drink for him and Julien.

 

“But Changminnie never call Hyung to his lover, right?” Jaejoong gave a look to Changmin.

 

Changmin narrowed his eyes to the older man. He drank his beer and his gaze met Yunho, whose expression was as straight as a highway. Yunho didn’t look away. So Changmin didn’t either.

 

“So you’re Changmin’s boyfriend?” Yoochun asked.

 

Changmin’s eyes were still on Yunho’s. “He’s not.” He said, before turned to Julien, as if asking for agreement, and raised his eyebrows to the French.

 

Julien hummed, put his left hand on Changmin’s thigh and drank his beer.

 

“Well. Guess you guys taking it slow, eh?” Jaejoong asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. “Hey, do you know Yoochun is teaching piano lesson? And I heard you teach language too?”

 

 

*

 

 

Yoochun went out to smoke with Jaejoong and Yunho left to the bathroom with Junsu. Left Changmin alone with Julien in the table.

 

Julien moved his seat closer to Changmin and leaned to the younger man. “Hey, I want to talk about something.”

 

“Yes?” Changmin put his bottle on the table and looked at the other man.

 

Julien looked at him deeply, took a deep breath and said, “I know that I’m not your boyfriend. But I felt… a bit… how do I say it… disappointed?” he was struggling for words. It was hard for him to reveal his inner feeling, but he braved himself to let it all out. “Changmin, you know I like you. And… I don’t know…”

 

Changmin felt sorry for Julien. “But that’s right, isn’t it? I mean… we’re not boyfriends. I don’t want to say that we are when we’re not. I don’t want to… step ahead of you? How do I know if you want to be my boyfriend, anyway?”

 

“Changmin, I already said I like you.” Julien stated. “Do you like me?”

 

It was the time one of his Hyung came back to save him from that situation but none of them came.

 

Julien scoffed and turned away. “Gosh I must be stupid to think that you like me too.” He gulped his beer.

 

Changmin knew he was angry. So he asked himself about his feelings to the man. “I do like you.” He really did like the man. He held Julien’s hand to get his attention.

 

Julien looked back at him. “So next time when people ask, can I say that you’re my boyfriend?”

 

“Julien, it’s-“ Changmin bit his lip.

 

“Too fast?” Julien finished his words. “We’ve been together for months.”

 

“I know…”

 

“So… do you want to make it official?” Julien asked hopefully.

 

Changmin could feel Julien’s big hands wrapped around his. “I… when I met you, I just got out from a long relationship.”

 

“With Jajoong?”

 

Changmin lifted his eyebrows. “Wha- oh. You mean Jaejoong.” His heart beat faster somehow. What if Julien guessed the right person? What if he knew? Would he be angry? What should Changmin do?

 

“Yeah… Jay-joong.” Julien pronounced it carefully.

 

It made Changmin laughed but he still felt nervous. “It’s not him. But why do you think that way?”

 

“He seems to know you a lot. And he gave you this…” Julien sharpened his eyes. “…look. He gave you those kind of look and… and I don’t know. He even called you ‘Changminnie’.”

 

“Not only him calling me Changminnie.” Changmin said. “ And he’s chasing this girl for a while and I feel nothing but pity for him.” He added.

 

“You’re changing the subject.” Julien smirked.

 

Changmin snorted. “You caught me.”

 

Julien brought their face closer and Changmin let him pecked his lips. “You can tell people I’m yours. Just tell me when I can call you mine.”

 

 

*

 

 

They met the next day in the choir room. Jaejoong and Yoochun were playing the piano and Junsu took the time to talk to Changmin.

 

“Do you know what Yunho Hyung told me yesterday?”

 

Changmin stopped writing notes on his sheet, paid all of his attention to the man sitting beside him. “What?”

 

“He told me to tell you that you shouldn’t hurt Julien’s heart.” Junsu said slowly.

 

Changmin’s brain was working hard to understand that. But it failed. “…what?”

 

Junsu looked like he hated to spill out the words. “Yunho noticed how Julien looked at you. How he looked when you said he’s not your boyfriend.” He said. “Yunho knew that you had several dates with him and he thought that if you’re going out that much with him, it means that you like him too. And he wondered why you said that he’s not your boyfriend and hurt Julien.”

 

Changmin didn’t know what to say. Thousands of questions filled his mind. Why Yunho was caring that much about the guy he brought yesterday? What about Changmin himself?

 

“…and you shouldn’t do that, Changmin.”

 

Changmin’s eyes blurred with tears and he blinked them away. He didn’t know what kind of messed up feeling he had inside but he wanted to cry.

 

“But when we came back, you two kissed and we thought you’re alright, then?”

 

“Doesn’t he care about me at all?”

 

Now it was Junsu turned to be confused.  

 

“Julien… Julien… only Julien he’s thinking about. Is he fucking in love with him or what?” Changmin asked frustatedly. He didn’t notice the melody stopped playing and the two older men were staring at him. “I shouldn’t hurt his heart, huh, he’s one to talk…”

 

“Do you still love him, Min?” Jaejoong asked.

 

Changmin wanted to say no. No, fuck Jung Yunho. That man who walked away from my life, and he’s trying to lecture me how to treat my lover when he did no good job at that? Fuck you, Jung Yunho! “Hell no.” He denied it and tried not to regret it. Changmin stood up and wore his bag, ready to leave. “And Hyung, tell him this. If he wanted to tell me something, just say it to my face, instead of-“

 

“He asked me to tell you, because he knew you’d be like this.” Junsu cut him. “He knew you’d think him as a hypocrite. So he asked me to tell you.”

 

Changmin hated every bit of Yunho because no matter how, no matter what, the man could always read him better than anyone.

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin barged in the dance studio, walked towards Yunho who was sitting in a corner, ignored the greetings from the junior or the hello from his friends. “Why did you tell me not to hurt Julien? Why is it matter so much for you?”

 

Yunho always could gain his composure. But not when Changmin was around. “Let’s talk outside,” he took the crutches beside him.

 

“No let’s talk here.” Changmin took Yunho’s crutches away. “Now.”

 

Yunho could feel the eyes on them “We all know how it is to be in love, aren’t we, Changmin?” he said calmly. “And I learn, I believe you know it too, that often we hurt our loved ones with simple things we do, though we never meant to.”

 

Changmin just looked at the man in front of him.

 

“It hurts to be rejected, Changmin.” _Especially by you_ , Yunho kept that in his mind. “I don’t want someone else to feel it to.”

 

“But you saw us kissing, right?” Changmin’s jaw clenched. Do you feel jealous, Yunho, do you? Do you feel angry? Do you wish you were the one kissing me? Do you miss me, at all?

 

Yunho gave him a small smile. “I’m glad things turned alright for both of you.”

 

Changmin was trembling with emotion and he tried real hard not to burst right there and then in front of Yunho. “Thank you,” he said. And he left.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for the long wait. it's because i have a job training from this month till january. i don't know how often i can update the story, but i'd like to try.  
> please wish me luck and enjoy the fic :')


	10. This Is How He Breaks Her Heart (and She Breaks His)

Jaejoong was a type of person who spent his time in the mall happily. He loved shopping. Amber understood that the man bought designer bags and branded shoes and expensive clothes.

 

But he was contemplating to buy Hello Kitty calculator.

 

“Put it down.” Amber tried so hard not to raise her voice.

 

“But it’s so fucking cute.” Jaejoong’s hands were still attached to the calculator.

 

“It’s fucking not and you’re a fucking man, Kim Jaejoong.”

 

“It’s Hello Kitty!”

 

Amber shook her head.

 

“You said you don’t want to change me. You said I can be the way I am.” Jaejoong widened his eyes, tried to look cute to the woman but of course it didn’t work.

 

Amber folded her arms and sighed. “Fine. Do whatever you want.” She left the shop.

 

Jaejoong quickly ran after her, put his arm around her shoulder. “That’s so sweet of you to accept me the way I am.”

 

Amber scoffed. “I said do whatever you want. It’s not like-“

 

Jaejoong gave a kiss on Amber’s cheek. And quickly ran for his life, afraid that Amber would hit him. He looked back and saw Amber’s shocked expression that didn’t see what was in front of him.

 

Jaejoong crashed to a tin trashcan and it rolled away, spilled its contain and the loud, shrilly sound could be heard from faraway. Sure he was one person who rarely could and would let himself to feel embarrassed but fuck. It was the mall. Trashcan. Amber.

 

While Jaejoong was busy apologizing, bowing to the people around, Amber’s stomach was hurting from laughing so hard, her knees went weak and she had to lean on the nearest wall or else she would fall to the floor and laugh until the tears came out from her eyes.

 

“Can I be your boyfriend?”

 

Sure, Jaejoong was straightforward. But he wasn’t the only one.

 

“No.”

 

But Jaejoong smiled. And Amber smiled too. He expected her to close the door in front of his face when he leaned closer to kiss her. Again.

 

It was Mrs Park behind him. And oh. _Oh_. Park Yoochun.

 

“What’re you doing here, Hyung?” Yoochun asked, brought bags of groceries behind his mother.

 

“I just… want to play. Didn’t know you’re not home.” Jaejoong said after he greeted Mrs Park.

 

“You should’ve called me. Come in,” Yoochun said.

 

Jaejoong walked after Mrs Park and Yoochun, and he could hear Amber almost cursed.

 

“What the heck-“ Amber quickly closed her mouth when she noticed her mother coming. “Umma!”

 

“Amber! What’s with that mouth…” Mrs Park reprimanded her.

 

“Sorry, I thought-“ her eyes widened as she noticed Jaejoong came in with her family. “Oppa?!”

 

“Yeah, so I was kinda messing with the bell and she must thought that I’m some kind of creep or something,” Jaejoong offered his best smile to Mrs Park.

 

Amber once said that his smile did creep her out, anyway.

 

Yoochun chuckled and helped his mother to arrange the groceries. “You came alone, Hyung?”

 

“Yeah…” Jaejoong could take his eyes off Amber. He just couldn’t when Amber was also staring back at him.

 

“What’s with you two?” Yoochun asked when he noticed the two of them.

 

Amber quickly looked away. And Jaejoong wiped the squeaky clean table with the closest cloth.

 

“Oh, Mrs Park, did you have your hair cut? It looks lovely!”

 

 

*

 

 

One of his Hyung opened a new Korean meat restaurant in Hongdae, and Amber wanted to eat soondae and topokki, so they ate them all. They made a bet about who could finish the spiciest jjampong and Jaejoong won in the end. Amber wiped Jaejoong’s sweat with her hand and Jaejoong almost die in happiness.

 

“The bowl is bigger than my head!” Jaejoong said when they came out from the restaurant.

 

“Bigger than our heads combined.” Amber corrected, offered the ice cream she bought to cool her tongue to Jaejoong.

 

Jaejoong ate it, not because he wanted to, but because it was Amber’s.

 

When they were walking from shop to shop, hunting cheap bags and shoes, Jaejoong realized that Amber wasn’t with him anymore. He quickly got out from the shop and found the girl outside, leaned on the brick wall.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jaejoong could see Amber’s face scrunched in pain.

 

“Oppa…” Amber bit her lip. “My stomach hurts.”

 

Panicked, afraid that Amber had an allergy or sick because of the food, he brought her to the nearest clinic and let the doctor checked on her. Just to find out that…

 

“Um… you are fine, Amber-sshi. It just seems like you had eaten too much.”

 

Amber’s face turned red.

 

After made sure that the girl really was alright, Jaejoong had to bite his tongue to prevent him laughing out loud.

 

“Thank you, doctor,” Jaejoong bowed to the doctor when the man left the bedroom, and walked near Amber’s bed. “Aigoo~ you’re really cute,” he pinched Amber’s cheek.

 

Amber slapped Jaejoong’s hand. “It’s because of you, Oppa…” she whined.

 

After Amber felt better, they walked together to the river and watched the sun set.

 

“I’ve always want to do this,” Jaejoong said, looked at the girl sitting beside him.

 

Amber looked back at him, and smiled.

 

She looked so sweet and Jaejoong leaned closer, his left hand palmed the back of Amber’s head and brought their heads together.

 

Amber pushed his chest.

 

He just couldn’t say he was sorry.

 

 

*

 

 

“There’s something weird with you, Hyung.” Yoochun said when they went out together in a bar with Yunho, Junsu, and Changmin, who bought Julien. They went outside for a smoke. “Lately…”

 

“What’s wrong with me?” Jaejoong asked back. “Do I look… happier?”

 

“It’s... more like otherwise.” Yoochun looked at the older man warily.

 

“Do I?” Jaejoong asked emptily.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Jaejoong took a deep breath. “Yoochun-ah, I don’t want to lie to you.”

 

Yoochun felt horror. “What is it?”

 

“I like your sister.” Jaejoong said. There was no way back. “I like Amber.”

 

Yoochun’s gaze turned a bit vicious and Jaejoong thought whether he should hold Yoochun’s fist so he couldn’t punch him.

 

“Say that again?” Yoochun asked through clenched jaw.

 

“I like Amber.” Jaejoong said again. “It had been a while. From the beginning of this semester, actually. About… five months.”

 

“So?”

 

“We’ve hung out like, three times. And I swear we haven’t done anything.” Jaejoong said, clear and calm, though it was a bit hard with Yoochun’s cold gaze pierced through him. “I’m telling you this because you are her brother. And I want to ask your permission to date her.”

 

Yoochun threw the rest of his cigarette and lit a new one.

 

Jaejoong almost offered him the fire but in the end just watched him. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship, Chun. But I-“

 

“Then why do you do this?!” Yoochun cut him.

 

“Because I really do like her! Maybe I love her a little bit. I am serious about this and that’s why I’m telling you.” Jaejoong explained.

 

Yoochun scoffed, just realized something. “Ahh… so this is what you guys had been talking behind my back, huh? Junsu, Changmin, and Yunho knew about this… fuck, I know it just now…” Yoochun rubbed his forehead. “What am I suppose to say now?” he said. “What should I say?”

 

“I know that I’m no good, Yoochun.” Jaejoong said. “But please, let me try.”

 

Yoochun put a new cigarette between Jaejoong’s lips and lit it. “You’re a dead meat.”

 

It wasn’t a no.

 

 

*

 

 

Amber was ironing when Yoochun was looking for her.

 

“Can you pass me that hanger?”

 

Yoochun gave her the hanger and Amber hung the shirt Jaejoong bought him for a job interview. “Jaejoong Hyung told me.”

 

“Told you what?”

 

Yoochun didn’t expect Amber to be this calm.

 

“That he likes you.”

 

Amber’s hand stopped working, but then she glided the iron again on her mother’s dress. The silence went for a while, and she really hoped her brother would say something. “What are you gonna do about it?”

 

“Do you like him?” Yoochun asked. Whether Amber said yes, or no, he was still afraid of the answer.

 

Amber turned off the iron and sigh. “ I don’t know,” she whispered, looked at Yoochun helplessly.

 

But Yoochun was just as lost. “I won’t let him breaking your heart.” He said. “But I don’t give you the permission to break his heart either.”

 

 

*

 

 

“Why did you tell him?!” was the first thing Amber said when they met.

 

Jaejoong smiled happily. “It’s good, isn’t it?”

 

“What’s good about it?!”

 

Amber’s gaze reminded Jaejoong of Yoochun. Her brother gave him the same look last night. “We can… date each other.” Jaejoong said slowly. Amber’s stare was scarier than Yoochun’s and it made him wavered a bit.

 

“Are you fucking sure about it?” Amber asked coldly. “Can you keep your word? Because if you’re not, can you imagine what will happen?”

 

“Amber, calm down. I-“

 

“I think you forgot who you are, Kim Jaejoong.” Amber said. “You, despite of quantity of the girls you’ve slept with and the alcohol you drank every night, is my brother’s bestfriend.”

 

Jaejoong blinked. “What are you trying to say?”

 

Amber closed her eyes and gulped. “If you mess this up, it’s not just about you and me. But also you and Yoochun. And me, and my brother.”

 

 

*

 

 

“It’s hard to find you lately, Hyung. What are you up to?” Hyunjoong asked when they met up in a club.

 

“Lot of things happened.” Jaejoong ordered his drink to the bartender. “What about you?”

 

Hyunjoong hummed. “Nothing new.” He looked at the older man. “You looked frustrated Hyung, you know that?”

 

“I don’t know if it’s shown.” Jaejoong shrugged.

 

Hyunjoong laughed. “Good thing you came with me. I won’t let you down,” he winked.

 

Jaejoong just chuckled when Hyunjoong introduced him to a beautiful lady in a tight black dress.

 

Her long hair swayed on her back and Jaejoong could smell her sweet perfume. Her pale skin matched with his and he could feel her breast pushed against his chest when they were dancing together. Jaejoong could feel the sticky lipstick on his mouth when they were making out and before he knew it, he drove them to the nearest hotel.

 

 

*

 

 

“What kind of man I am?” Jaejoong asked.

 

Nayoon looked at him deeply, eyes piercing. “A jerk.”

 

“Fuck, I know.” Jaejoong buried his face in his palm.

 

Nayoon scoffed. “You realized it just now?”

 

“I just slept with a girl last night.” Jaejoong said, voice muffled as he still covered his face.

 

“I bet she’s not your wife. Wow. A statement that prove you as a total jerk.” Nayoon said flatly. “Nothing new, Jae.”

 

“Why do I keep doing that?”

 

“Maybe because it’s you. It’s what you do.” Nayoon sighed, and finally paid some attention to her friend. “What’s the problem anyway?”

 

It’s because I like a certain girl, Jaejoong wanted to say. “Do you think… I’ll… ever get a girlfriend?”

 

“Do you think you can keep one?” Nayoon asked back. “Can you keep only one at a time, Jae?”

 

 

*

 

 

“You were right.” Jaejoong said as soon as Amber arrived in the warehouse. He texted her to meet him there.

 

“About what?” Amber asked confusedly. Everything happened too sudden for her.

 

“Me.” Jaejoong couldn’t see her eyes. He was staring to her sneakers which they bought together. He picked the color for her and she picked for him. Maybe… he had gone too far. “Let’s end it here.”

 

“But you’re the one who want to-“ Amber’s breath hitched and Jaejoong looked up, didn’t expect the girl’s reaction would be like this. She looked away and her lips trembled.

 

 _Fuck_. He messed up big. But if he didn’t do this, the situation would be worse.

 

Amber closed her eyes to prevent any tears coming out and tilted her head up.

 

Jaejoong didn’t know what to do.

 

“Yeah… I was right.” Amber said, her voice vulnerable. “You. Fucking. Lie. To me.”

 

“Yes.” Jaejoong whispered.

 

 


	11. Do You Still Love Him, Hyung?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suggest you to reread chap 9 to refresh your memory, but well that's up to you.  
> Enjoy :)

 

 

Julien’s eyes were bright, and his lips always curved to a happy smile everytime he looked at Changmin. And the younger man looked at him with the same expression. Maybe a little less. But it was still there.

 

Yunho wondered if they were like that when he and Changmin were still in love.

 

“So you’re Changmin’s boyfriend?”

 

Yunho caught Changmin’s eyes on him. And he was steadying himself to hear the unsurprisingly ‘yes’. Yes, he was the man Changmin dated lately. Yes, he was the man that made Changmin smile when he received his text. Yes, he was the man that filled his time when Changmin wasn’t busy with his studies. Yes, he was the man who listening through Changmin’s rambling about his day.

 

Yes. He was the man that took Yunho’s place.

 

“He’s not.”

 

Yunho’s brain just clicked a second away and when he realized that the answer was a no, he looked at Julien.

 

He could see sadness. Disappointment was also there. Julien ducked his head and grabbed his beer while Changmin calmly controlled his expression.

 

“He shouldn’t do that.” Yunho said to Junsu who was washing his hand.

 

Junsu didn’t answer.

 

“They had been going out from a while. And you see the expectant look from Julien? And I think that Changmin likes him too. But why did he say that he’s not his boyfriend? Gosh, he broke his heart.” Yunho leaned to the counter.

 

“Wait, Hyung, you think he likes Julien?” Junsu asked, eyebrows knitted together.

 

“I believe he’s happy with him.” Yunho said. “And it’s obvious how much Julien likes Changmin.” He wondered if he looked that foolish and stupidly in love too when he was looking at Changmin when they were still lovers. “It’s highly possible that Changmin has feelings for him, and he should be honest about that…”

 

Junsu just stared at the older man.

 

“Tell Changmin that… he shouldn’t break his heart.” Yunho understood the confused look Junsu gave him. “He’ll think I’m a hypocrite saying this to him.”

 

But when they got out from the bathroom, Yunho saw Changmin and Julien were kissing. The dull ache in his heart sharpened again and it stabbed him in every way possible, made him hard to breathe and Yunho had to remind himself that he should gain his composure in front of Junsu.

 

He was dead jealous hearing Changmin was dating another guy. Time after time, he tried to accept that fact. The he couldn’t be angry, he had no right to. But still, it didn’t hurt less.

 

And when Changmin introduced Julien to them, Yunho just… he tried to be happy instead. That somebody was there to take care of his Changminnie.

 

Not _his_ Changminnie anymore.

 

“It’s good that they’ve settled it,” Yunho said to Junsu playfully. “Just forgot what I said.” he headed to the door. “Let’s go find Jae and Chun, then.”

 

 

*

 

 

Kai was as surprised like the others when Shim Changmin, Jung Yunho’s ex boyfriend came into their dance studio, walked straight to Yunho who was sitting in a corner, helping Taemin to find a suitable music to play.

 

He could see anger was evident in Changmin’s eyes through the mirror, and the man was speaking in loud voice.

 

“Let’s talk outside,” Kai could hear Yunho said as the man took his crutches.

 

But Changmin took away Yunho’s crutches, none too gently. “No let’s talk here. Now.”

 

He could see how impatient Changmin was, and though Yunho looked calm, he noticed the man gulped down his feelings before speaking.

 

And Kai didn’t quite catch what Yunho said to Changmin. But he looked at him with such a soft gaze, poured out his heart to his talk.

 

Yunho’s feeling was still strong to that man.

 

Kai saw him punched a wall when Yunho thought nobody was looking. Fist tight, breath heavy, jaw clenched and the crutches thrown away. He hid behind the wall and counted the seconds. Tried to calm himself, Yunho took a deep breath and it was like music to his ear.

 

If only.

 

If only Kai had someone who loved him as deep as Yunho loved Changmin. And Changmin was even Yunho’s ex, but he was still…

 

He didn’t deny the fact that he was jealous. He wanted Yunho, he admitted it. He wanted someone like Yunho, though there wasn’t any man Kai ever met was even close to this perfect man. Maybe just 2% of Jung Yunho, it was fine. And he swore he would never hurt this guy. He wouldn’t waste him away. The way Changmin did.

 

“Kai,”

 

He startled and opened his eyes. “Hyung!” he didn’t realize they were closed at the first place.

 

“Are you okay?” Yunho’s brows furrowed. “Are you in a pain?” the older man caught Kai leaning to a wall, eyes closed and face scrunched.

 

Kai gulped. Why, even in his hardest time Yunho had to care about the others? “Are you, Hyung?”

 

Yunho just stared at him.

 

“That man just now…” Kai took a deep breath. “He’s your ex, right, Hyung?”

 

Yunho stiffened Kai regretted that he brought the topic. But it was out already.

 

“I’m sorry.” He bit his lip. Maybe Yunho would just hate him and Kai had to spend the rest of his study in Korea without him.

 

“Where do you find out?” Yunho asked. “That he’s my ex.”

 

“He… I… I mean… everybody was talking about it.” Kai said, didn’t lie. Because when Shim Changmin left, the studio was quiet and Yunho played the music for them. And as soon as he excused himself to go out for a while, the room filled with whispers. “And I think everybody know. Since you’ve been together for so long.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Kai felt sad that he didn’t find smile on Yunho’s face.

 

“He’s… extraordinary, isn’t he?” Yunho asked after some time.

 

Kai could hear the ‘compliment’ wasn’t entirely insincere. But he felt better that it meant it was okay to talk about it since Yunho gave a respond. “Did you two fight?”

 

Yunho didn’t answer.

 

“Was that… is that why you broke up with him?” Kai asked nervously.

 

“It wasn’t why I broke up with him.” Yunho replied.

 

“Do you still love him, Hyung?” Kai asked casually, but he was so afraid of the answer. Hands held each other nervously.

 

“Yes.”

 

Kai had to do everything he could so he wouldn’t break down and cried.

 

“But it doesn’t mean anything. As he already have his special someone. And it’s not like I can do anything about it. What can I do when the one he loves is not me anymore?”

 

And when Yunho noticed the tears in Kai’s eyes, he said nothing.

 

 

*

 

 

Julien turned on the stove to let the water boil. “It’s the end of the semester soon. How are you gonna spend your holiday?”

 

“Is it?” Changmin didn’t know, he didn’t spend the day thinking about those kind of shit. Maybe he should do just that, instead of picking up a fight with Yunho.

 

“It’s gonna be a long weekend.” Julien said again, looking at Changmin. “Did something disturb you?”

 

Changmin huffed. “Huh? Why?”

 

“You just throw the plate to the sink.” Julien said again.

 

Changmin didn’t want to look at him. The taller man’s shadow was getting closer to his place and he almost flinched. “I’m fine,”

 

Julien put his long arms around his waist and leaned his head on Changmin’s. “Talk to me.”

 

There was this moment when Changmin was upset, no, he was mad. During choir practice, he couldn’t hit the right notes, over and over, and Jaejoong suggested him to rest because he didn’t want Changmin hurt his throat. He walked home, found Yunho half sleeping on the couch.

 

And if he saw Changmin pout, or angry, he said nothing. He let Changmin went to their bedroom without greeting him. And when Changmin was in the bathroom, he ignored Yunho’s question whether he wanted a slice of the tiramisu Yunho just bought in a new bakery shop down the street, and Yunho didn’t ask twice.

 

When Changmin came out from the bathroom, Yunho was in the bed already, waiting for him. When he lay down, Yunho’s fingers touched his hand, and Changmin cried. The older man pulled him in his embrace, let Changmin wet his worn out tshirt with tears.

 

“I can’t sing anymore! I can’t even hit the notes right… it’s so fucking embarrassing… this is the first time in my life! So fucking stupid-“ his stupid ugly sobs came out. “I just want to cut my throat off! My fucking- gosh! Why can’t I do it? What if we lose because of me?! So fucking useless…”

 

He pulled off after some time from Yunho’s tight hug because his tears and snot and saliva was gross on his face and he felt sorry to dirty Yunho’s tshirt, but the older man said nothing. When he wiped his face, he just realized how stupid it was to cry over something like that.

 

Yunho rubbed his back gently and Changmin hugged him first, put his head on the older man’s chest. “I’m scared.”

 

“You’ll sing alright, Changmin. I believe in you.” Yunho said softly after he kissed his hair.

 

Changmin sighed.

 

“And don’t cut that throat, your neck is beautiful and what if I can’t hear ‘I love you too’ from you anymore?” Yunho added playfully.

 

Changmin let out a small chuckle. He looked up at Yunho, and he wanted to say thank you, but he was kinda shy. So he kissed Yunho’s chin.

 

Yunho smiled. “There’s this delicious tiramisu-“

 

“Great. I’m starving.”

 

It just felt so different.

 

Julien’s rough stubble brushed against his right ear and Changmin turned to face the man, and kissed him. Julien accepted the kiss and his wide palm travelled to Changmin’s back and held his head. Changmin let the man bit his upper lip lightly, and pushed his tongue in the French’s mouth.

 

Julien pulled back. “The water. Almost forgot.” He chuckled. He turned off the stove and poured the hot water to their cups.

 

Changmin finished washing the dishes and sat in the couch. Not long after, Julien joined him, brought two cups of coffee.

 

“Do you want to tell me?” Julien asked after Changmin received his cup.

 

Changmin didn’t expect Julien was still remember about it. “It’s nothing,”

 

“You can tell me everything. I mean, I tell you ever single unimportant stuff in my class.” Julien said.

 

“Just tired, I guess… I don’t know either. Please don’t make a fuss about it.” Changmin hoped he didn’t say the last sentence bossily, but seemed like Julien didn’t mind.

 

“My parents are going to Japan next week and I wonder if you want to accompany me visiting them.” Julien said.

 

Changmin almost spilled his coffee and he put the cup on the table. “What?”

 

“My mother asked if… you know, if I’m seeing someone when I’m in Korea. And I kinda say I have you…” Julien said slowly. “Is it okay with you?”

 

“Well- I… actually, yeah… but-“ Changmin didn’t know why he was stuttering. He cleared his throat. “Continue,”

 

“Yeah, so… she asked if I could bring you with me to Japan, you know. For a little vacation together. I mean, we don’t have to stick with them all the time. Maybe a dinner or lunch once or twice, then we can go exploring, just the two of us. I know that my parents hate it when I’m interfering with their love trip.”

 

“Oh.” Changmin didn’t know what else to say.

 

Julien was also clueless. “Um… have you visited Japan before?”

 

“Yes…” Changmin bit his lip. “When the sakura bloom.” I went with Yunho. He looked down. “It was lovely.”

 

Julien hummed. “So… do you want to go?”

 

Changmin looked at the man beside him.

 

“I can book our flight.”

 

 

*

 

 

Kai was waiting outside, helped an old man refilling a cup of water because the dispenser was beside him, and that was the time when Yunho came out from the doctor’s room.

 

“How is it, Hyung?”

 

“The doctor said I can walk again.”

 

Kai could see light emitted from Yunho’s gorgeous face.

 

“He said it was time for some therapy and exercises. There’s this exercise I need to do every morning. And some during evening, and before I go to bed. It will be around five or six weeks the longest until I can walk normally again.” Yunho couldn’t help his grin and his eyes turned into crescent of happiness.

 

“That’s great, Hyung!” Kai could feel the burst of happiness in his heart transferred from Yunho.

 

“But… well, I still have to wear my crutches in the meantime.” Yunho looked at his crutches regretfully.

 

“But you can walk again!” Kai stated. “Gosh, Hyung, I can’t wait to see you dance!”

 

Yunho smiled to Kai. “I can’t either, Kai.”

 

“Oh! And what’s these exercises? I will totally help you with that!” Kai said excitedly. “Maybe I’ll do that too, who knows if they’re good stretching materials?”

 

“Okay,” Yunho nodded.

 

Kai hugged Yunho. “I’m so happy for you.”

 

“Thank you.” Yunho patted Kai’s back. “It feels good to know.”

 

 

 


	12. The Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait & i really hope this chap could make it up for you.  
> know ya'll have been waiting for a hot steamy smutty transgender fic with min in that red dress (oh for his long-unshaven-gorgeous-legs's sake somebody please make one!), but here i am with my angsty fic.
> 
> enjoy! *spreads hominheart confetti

“I slept with another girl.”

 

“Is that why you end it?”

 

“She doesn’t deserve me.”

 

“You fucking not.” Yunho was clueless about this man. Jaejoong was the most unpredictable person he ever knew. “All of this time, what you’ve done to her is to prove that you deserve her, Jae.” He said. “But suddenly you just-“

 

“It just turn out that I’m not, Yunho!” Jaejoong looked at his bestfriend. “Apparently, I fucking not.”

 

Yunho put another bottle of soju on the table for Jaejoong before he reached for his ringing phone. Junsu was calling. “Hello, Junsu?.. Yeah... Jaejoong’s in my place... he’s- hello? Juns- Junsu?” he sensed that Junsu was in a hurry after asking and knowing Jaejoong’s position.

 

He walked back to the man who was sitting lifelessly on his couch, back hunched, hand holding a glass of soju lazily. He sat next to the man, accompanied him in the indulging silence.

 

Which was interrupted by loud banging on his door. “Yunho! Open the door!”

 

Yunho startled, felt shocked but somehow the voice was familiar.

 

“Open the goddamn-“

 

It was Yoochun!

 

Yunho ran, as quick as his legs let him, and opened the door. Without permission, Yoochun barged in, walked towards Jaejoong’s direction. The older man looked up to him, before Yoochun punched him hard on the face.

 

“What did you fucking do to my sister, you asshole?” he pulled Jaejoong’s shirt and the older man stood up.

 

Jaejoong didn’t answer.

 

Yoochun pulled Jaejoong’s collar to close the distance between them. Gave him a piercing vicious glare. His breath hot on Jaejoong’s face.

 

Yunho didn’t realize that Junsu was there, beside him, until the man spoke to him. “What should we do, Hyung?”

 

“I’m gonna fucking kill you.” Yoochun said through his clenched jaw. He pushed Jaejoong just enough to give the man another punch on his perfect cheekbone. “WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

 

Jaejoong gave no reaction. Let himself be a voodoo doll for Yoochun to hurt. There was a slightest hint of blood on the corner of his lips.

 

“She never fucking cries, okay. She cried. She cried because of you! What did you do?!”

 

Jaejoong froze. Amber cried? She cried?

 

“You asked my fucking permission? Huh, _Hyung_?” Yoochun gave a pressure on the last word, hit Jaejoong’s chest as he said so. “You fucking LOVE HER?! That fucking filthy mouth of yours, Hyung…” he slapped Jaejoong’s lips hard.

 

Jaejoong was numb because… was Amber really cried? Because of him? Then did it mean that… their relationship, it meant something to her..?

 

Then why did Jaejoong gave up?

 

Yunho was distracted from the fight when he heard Junsu talking to his phone. Then the younger man looked at him warily. “Hyung, really…” Junsu was helpless. “What should we do?

 

Yunho couldn’t answer that. He didn’t know either what they should do. “Who called?”

 

Junsu bit his lips.

 

Yunho’s question was being answered when Changmin and Amber walked in through his opened door. Jaejoong was still being beaten by Yoochun. The three men were looking at Amber, who watched his brother and Jaejoong with no expression.

 

“You’re not going to separate them!?” Changmin asked Yunho.

 

Yunho gave Changmin a look. But Changmin gave Yunho another look. A harder and stronger one.

 

“Let them.” Amber said.

 

Jaejoong’s muffled groan could be heard when Yoochun kept on punching his bruised body.

 

“You loved her, you say?” Yoochun gave another hard slap so Jaejoong looked at him. “YOU DON’T WANT TO RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP, YOU SAY?!” Yoochun pushed the older man and he staggered backwards.

 

Jaejoong fell on the floor, finally lifted up his head and looked at the other man through his swollen eyelids. “I’m sorry.”

 

“I don’t want your sorry.” Yoochun’s voice was low and threatening. “Do you know why I let you? Because you are my bestfriend, you are my hyung. You’re with me whenever I need you. You give me everything you have to help me even if I don’t ask.” Yoochun’s eyes were teary because of the emotion. “Never a thought of betrayal had crossed my mind.”

 

Jaejoong just sat there and listened.

 

“You are precious for me. And she’s even more. And maybe, to return all the kindness you’ve given to me, I’d let you be with her. Because I trust you. I trusted you.” Yoochun said. “Amber is my sister. She’s my precious sister. I read her bedtime stories about castles and knight. I bought her favorite banana milk from my moneybox. When father died, she asked if she could call me ‘Appa’, because she doesn’t have enough chance to say that word.” He took a deep breath. “And I let her. Because for her, I’ll be her anything. Then you said, did you say that you would be her anything, Hyung?” Yoochun walked slowly to Jaejoong. “Why did you do that…”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yoochun, I’m sorry.” Jaejoong was crying in regret when he looked at Yoochun.

 

“Why. Did. You. Fucking. Do. That.” Yoochun said each word with his hard slap against Jaejoong’s face.

 

“Oppa,”

 

Yoochun and Jaejoong clearly didn’t realize Amber was there. Both of them turned to the source of the voice.

 

“Amber,” Jaejoong called softly.

 

“Don’t call her name.” Yoochun gave Jaejoong’s stomach a hard fist.

 

“Amber, Amber, I’m sorry, please forgive me-“ Jaejoong’s words were cut with Yoochun’s hit. “Amber!”

 

Junsu was frozen in his place and Changmin couldn’t hold it anymore. He stepped in to separate the men, but Yunho held his wrist.

 

“Yunho…” Changmin didn’t understand why the man stopped him.

 

“Oppa,” Amber called again. “Let’s go home.” She held Yoochun’s fist. “Let’s go home.” She pulled Yoochun away from Jaejoong.

  
“Amber!” Jaejoong called desperately. He was on the floor, pushed his aching body up with his trembling arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so stupid. There’s no one single moment when I don’t regret what I said to you. I really-“

 

“Stop it.” Amber cut him. “I’ve had enough.” Her eyes were sad and teary and it hurt Jaejoong even more than the punches Yoochun threw at him.

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin was out of breath when he was back to Yunho’s apartment. The dumb clumsy old man didn’t keep a first aid kit box in his place.

 

“She cried.” Jaejoong said emptily. “She cried. Because of me.”

 

“Lie down.” Yunho arranged the pillow on his bed for Jaejoong.

 

The older lied lifelessly and closed his eyes. Hot tears came out from the edge of his eyes.

 

“I’m so stupid. I thought she- I thought she doesn’t like me!” Jaejoong’s lips trembled. Not because of the cut that split it open. “She cares about me.”

 

Yunho came back with towel and a basin filled with hot water. Junsu dipped the towel and after it cooled a bit, dabbed Jaejoong’s bruise on his eyebrows.

 

“Junsu, why don’t you go to Yoochun’s? What will happen to them? Fuck, what if they’re fighting again?” Jaejoong asked, could only open one eye because the left one was swollen.

 

“Hyung…” Junsu almost begged. “Please don’t do this anymore.”

 

“Changmin-ah, do you have alcohol? And maybe some ointment. And clean plaster.” Yunho asked.

 

Changmin opened his first aid kit box. And when he took out the alcohol bottle, there was a little paper fell to his lap. And when he looked inside the box, there were notes inside. Colorful notes with short, neat handwritings on them.

 

_Drink me if your stomach hurts! :O_

_Wrap me around your finger if you cut yourself ><_

_Apply me if you burn your skin ^^ don’t be so clumsy next time!!_

_Eat me after your meal ;) wear warmer clothes so the flu won’t get worse~_

There was this one time when Changmin had to go for two weeks for the choir competition in London.

 

“Don’t go Changmin-ah~~! What will I do without you?” Yunho pouted as he watched Changmin packed things to his baggage.

 

“Stupid. Of course you’ll be fine.” Changmin said, went to the bathroom to take his toothbrush.

 

“Don’t go…” Yunho said sadly.

 

Changmin chuckled. “I have to.”

 

“I will miss you so bad.” Yunho said, looked at Changmin with puppy eyes.

 

Changmin sat next to Yunho and smiled.

 

“Aren’t you gonna say it back to me?”

 

Changmin stuck out his tongue and Yunho pouted harder.

 

“Just don’t burn down the place.” Changmin said. “And stay away from the stove. Ask Jaejoong Hyung to- oh wait, he’s coming with me.”

 

Yunho let out a deep sigh.

 

“Don’t kill yourself in the kitchen.” Changmin advised, patted Yunho’s head as if he was a mother and Yunho was her son.

 

“I’ll miss you.” Yunho said again, with a little smile.

 

And finally he gave his man some sympathy. “I’ll miss you too.” He hugged Yunho and he could feel the other man put his arms around his body.

 

The notes, was his. He wrote the notes just in case Yunho hurt himself. Because… well… he hated to know how lonely Yunho was, especially if he got ill. Or hurt himself. Imagined if Yunho was cooking alone, because Changmin wasn’t there to cook dinner or Jaejoong couldn’t help him too. And what if that clumsy man touched the hot pot? The picture of Yunho pouting while looking at his wound was cute, but Changmin would rather be there to watch it himself, and of course treated Yunho’s wound. But then again, he wouldn’t be there.

 

He thought writing the notes would make him present there, with Yunho, although he wasn’t really there.

 

Junsu looked at the youngest warily and called his name. “Changmin?”

 

Changmin met Yunho’s stare when he looked up, and his vision was blurry with tears when he realized something; Yunho would never let him go. It was him letting go of the man who loved him. But why, dear God oh, why, “Why did you say yes?” his fist clenched tight. “Why did you say yes during the break up?” he stood up and walked to Yunho. “Is it that easy to say yes?”

 

“Is it that easy to say ‘let’s break up’?” Yunho asked him back.

 

“You’re fucking leaving!” Changmin yelled.

 

“You left too, Min, but I waited!” Yunho said as loud. “Why don’t you wait for me? Can you not?”

 

“It’s six months and you said it could even be longer! What if you’d never come back?”

 

“I can visit, Min, and so do you!” Yunho’s emotion burnt up seeing Changmin all angry like that. “Why is it even come to your mind, the break up? Why is it so easy for you?”

 

“It’s not fucking easy, dammit!” Changmin threw away the alcohol bottle in his hand. “What do you expect me to do?! Grab onto your legs and beg you not to leave? Cry my eyes out as I plea?”

 

“Yes.” Yunho’s voice was thinner than a whisper.

 

“But you’d still leave, right?” Changmin accused him.

 

“Maybe.” Yunho replied shortly. “But in that scenario I bet we wouldn’t have broken up.”

 

“Even if I do that, you’d still leave?!” Changmin’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe Yunho.

 

“I don’t know, Changmin.” Yunho said frustatedly. “But at least I’m sure that you still want me by your side. That you’re still in love with me. But the fact is, you asked me to break up with you. How do you think I’d feel?”

 

“Well I’m just confused, Yunho!” Changmin yelled. “Because I thought that was what you really want!” he combed through his hair frustatedly. “Who am I to say a thing!? Who am I telling you not to go after your dreams?”

 

“You were my life, Changmin,” Yunho’s voice was breaking. “You were my life, and yet you were pushing me away. You didn’t even say goodbye.”

 

“I was going, you idiot! But you left already!” Changmin pushed Yunho’s shoulder and one of his crutch fell. “You fucking left me!”

 

Yunho didn’t believe it. “You… went after me?!”

 

Changmin just nodded and wiped his unknowingly falling tears.

 

“Then… why don’t you… I don’t know, text me or-“

 

“Because it hurts!” Changmin screamed to Yunho’s face. “It hurt when you left… I’m afraid of what might happen if I contact you… after the break up and all… it hurt more when I found out that you injured…” he looked down. “But it hurts the most when you’re okay… with us… with the nothingness between us.”

 

Changmin could feel the man was still looking at him, and he waited. He held the urge to touch him.

 

“But you don’t love me anymore.”

 

Changmin closed his eyes to prevent any tears coming out and looked up to the man in the eye. “Do you?”

 

“I do.” Yunho said it. Simply. No lies. He never hid. He was honest and why Changmin couldn’t be the same about his feelings to Yunho?

 

“Yunho, I-“

 

“You don’t love me anymore.” Yunho knew. Yunho knew when Jaejoong asked Changmin the question. _Just move on with your life, dude, Changmin doesn’t love you anymore_.

 

“I’m still-“

 

“But you have Julien.” Yunho said the fact. “He loves you.” He stated. “I knew he is, I’ve been there.”

 

Changmin burst into tears. “What if I love you?” he said, a bit unclear with the sobs came out from his lips. “What if, everytime I go out with Julien, I think about you instead. Everytime he cooked for me, I remembered the time you tried to cook, and eveytime you fail. And when he hugged me, I imagine it was you embracing me. What if when we sleep together, I surprised in the morning seeing his face, because I was expecting your face.” His voice was trembling. “What if everytime we meet, Yunho, I wait. I wait for you being jealous. I wait for you fighting for me. I wait for you winning me back. I wait for you to catch me.”

 

“Then what do you want?” Yunho moved closer to the younger.

 

“I want you to fight for me!” Changmin looked at Yunho. “Fight for me… Yunho…”

 

“Why would I fight for someone who doesn’t want me anymore?” Yunho’s voice was thin. “With all the little pieces I became, it was for you and only you. But what good it does to me? You threw me away, Min.” Yunho looked at him sadly.

 

Changmin eyes fell. “I’m sorry… but I was falling apart too…”

 

Now Yunho felt guilty. “I’m sorry.”

 

“You shouldn’t say yes when I ask for a breakup.” Changmin added. “I miss you.”

 

Yunho was still in his place, so Changmin took the step and hug the man. Tightly, never ever going to let him go. Never gonna push him away.

 

“I’m sorry Yunho…” Changmin’s voice muffled to Yunho’s neck. “For the breakup. For the injury. For all the time you’re alone when I’m supposed to be there with you. For Julien. For hurting you.” He could smell Yunho’s familiar scent and he just couldn’t hold it anymore. “I fucking love you… I don’t know if there’s a time when I don’t, even when you’re not with me.”

 

Yunho let go of his crutches and hugged Changmin back, and Changmin hugged him tighter. Because he knew Yunho trusted him. That Yunho forgave him. That he missed him too. That he loved him, and never letting go either.

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin was going to the dance studio first in the morning to meet Yunho, he brought tuna sandwich and juice for breakfast. He knew they couldn’t be all lovey dovey all the way, somehow they started at the beginning again. And for that, he was willing to try his hardest.

 

Though when he pushed the door open, he didn’t expect Yunho being with a boy who was holding his hands tightly while the man was standing.

 

“What is this?!” Changmin should’ve control his anger. He really should’ve. But it was somehow uncontrollable.

 

Yunho almost lost the balance because of the shock but the boy gripped him tight.

 

“Kai is helping me with my morning exercise.” Yunho explained, and Changmin’s eyes followed the boy, _Kai_ , and yeah. He remembered this exchanged student who he saw several times with Yunho. And he remembered too that Jaejoong said this little kid had a massive crush on his man.

 

Kai didn’t even look at him, he took a chair closer for Yunho to sit on, and quickly grabbed his bag. “I need to go now, Hyung,” he said to Yunho. Even when he walked towards the door, he still looked down, mumbled a, “I’m sorry,” and “Excuse me,”

 

Changmin let the boy out and got in the room, closed the door behind him.

 

“No need to scare him like that.” Yunho said.

 

“I’m not scaring him, he’s the one who-“ Changmin knew he shouldn’t fuss about that. “I bring breakfast for you.”

 

“Thank you,” Yunho received the paper bag and took out the sandwich.

 

Changmin dragged a chair and sat next to Yunho. “So… how’s your leg?”

 

“It’s getting better,” Yunho opened the food wrapper. “I’m starting to walk again.”

 

“That’s fantastic,” Changmin eyes widened.

 

Yunho hummed. “If I do the exercises and therapies well, it’ll be less than a month for my leg to perfectly heal.”

 

Changmin rubbed Yunho’s thigh. “I will help you with that.”

 

“Okay,” Yunho looked at him and his expression turned a bit sad. “Umm… how’s Julien?”

 

Changmin fumbled with the empty paper bag. “You know I’ve never loved him.”

 

“That’s not the case here, Min.” Yunho looked at Changmin patiently. “Have you told him?”

 

Changmin looked down. “How am I supposed to tell him?”

 

Yunho sighed. “I’m sorry, Changmin, but I can’t.” he took his crutches and stood up.

 

“But Yunho, I-“ Changmin didn’t know what to say, but the older man stopped and turned to him. “I love you…” he whispered.

 

“But you’re still with him.” Yunho stated. “And I can’t, Min.” he walked towards the door. “Thank you for the food.”

 

 


	13. Love Again

“You could’ve seen those notes since long ago.” Jaejoong said when he, Junsu and Changmin were walking home from Yunho’s apartment after the fight.

 

“…I haven’t, though.” Changmin replied.

 

“You could’ve seen them when you treat your knuckles from punching Donghae.”

 

“I didn’t treat it.” Changmin absentmindedly checked his hands.

 

Jaejoong looked at him curiously.

 

Changmin smiled to him emptily. “I don’t want the bruise to fade.”

 

Jaejoong said goodbye when they arrived at Changmin’s apartment. He smiled silently to himself.

 

“They said people doing silly things when they’re in love.” Junsu said to Jaejoong.

 

“I’m also silly when I’m not in love.” Jaejoong said plainly.

 

Junsu chuckled. “Do you want a drink, Hyung?”

 

Jaejoong looked at Junsu surprisedly through his heavy eyes. “You’re asking me for a drink?” he laughed. “You’re funny Kim Junsu.” He knew Junsu couldn’t drink.

 

“Well. Just once in a while.” Junsu hooked their arms together.

 

“’Kay. Let’s go to my place.”

 

 

*

 

 

“I’m sorry, Yoochun,” Jaejoong said. “And I know you won’t let me see your sister again, put please let her know that I’m sorry.”

 

Yoochun’s heart hurt seeing Jaejoong’s face, bruised up purple and blue, and he did all of that. Amber treated his bruised knuckles after he beat Jaejoong up, and he could see her crying then. “Why did you do that?” he asked. “What have you done to my sister?”

 

A tear fell down from Jaejoong’s gorgeous eyes and he covered his face with his palm.

 

Jaejoong cried.

 

Amber cried.

 

What was actually happening?

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry Yoochun,…” Jaejoong was still covering his face with his hands but his fingers wet with tears. “I love her.”

 

“Then why are you letting go?”

 

“Because I know I don’t deserve her. I don’t and never will.” Jaejoong wiped his tears roughly. “What a man like me can do except breaking her heart?”

 

“But what if she loves you?” Yoochun asked again.

 

That was the first time Jaejoong looked up to his eyes.

 

“Maybe I should apologize too.” Yoochun said quietly.

 

It was Jaejoong who hugged him first and Yoochun could feel the wetness on his shoulder. He hugged back.

 

 

*

 

 

“I can’t go with you to meet your parents.”

 

Julien said nothing.

 

Changmin wished he said anything, then he wouldn’t be as clueless. “As for this relationship, I… I think it’s better if we’re being just friends.” He couldn’t look at Julien’s eyes.

 

Changmin asked Julien to meet up, but the older man eventually came to his apartment to pick him up. And here they were, standing by Changmin’s door, the younger felt intimidated as Julien towering him with his height.

 

“I’m sorry.” Changmin whispered.

 

“I know something’s not right.” Julien said after a while. “So… this is it, huh?”

 

Changmin slowly lifted his head and looked at the gorgeous man in front of him.

 

Julien looked away. “For three days, you ignored my calls, didn’t reply my texts, I almost thought you’re dead. Or yeah, you don’t want me anymore.”

 

“I’m really sorry.” Changmin didn’t know what else to say.

 

“I thought you… love me.” Julien said quietly. “I’m so fucking stupid.”

 

That was the first time Changmin heard Julien cursed and he couldn’t blame himself more.

 

“Why are you doing this?”

 

“I- I just realize that we can’t-“

 

“You just realized?” Julien repeated his words. “Then why you agreed to go out with me?” he patronized him.

 

“Julien, I-“ Changmin bit his lips _. I was lonely._ “I’m sorry…”

 

“I don’t need your sorry.” Julien was upset. He took a deep breath. “I should’ve known.”

 

“I really am sorry, Julien. Please don’t be angry…” Changmin looked at him pleadingly.

 

Julien laughed. “I’m angry? Changmin, I don’t know what to say. After all this time we’ve been together, you said that you, just realized, that we shouldn’t have this relationship. All of a sudden. Out of nowhere. So where have you been for this past three months that you realize it just now?!”

 

Changmin could understand that Julien was disappointed. But he didn’t expect he’d be this mad.

 

“Do you ever love me?” Julien gripped Changmin’s shoulders with his hand, forced the man to look at him.

 

Changmin gulped. He didn’t want to lie.

 

Julien’s sad eyes pierced through him. “Do you ever have any feelings for me… at all?”

 

It was there. But still, Changmin couldn’t give the love he had for Yunho to just any men he met. “Yes,” he answered honestly.

 

Julien was still, and Changmin waited. After some time, his hands fell. “But still, it’s not enough…” he was staring at the younger. “I’m not enough.”

 

Changmin didn’t reply.

 

“Yeah. It might be best if we’re apart.”

 

 

*

 

 

Jaejoong could see her, sitting on the chair and leaned back to the table behind her, drinking her beer while talking to Taemin. He was accompanying Yunho to Kai’s farewell party in Taemin’s house. Okay, he actually asked Yunho if he could come because he knew Amber would be there. And with Yoochun’s permission, he would try his hardest to repair his relationship with Amber. Just to make things right.

 

And his stare to Taemin somehow reached the pretty young man in a strange electric way that he excused himself and left. Pretended that he didn’t see Jaejoong but Jaejoong could see him stole a glance.

 

Jaejoong stood on Taemin’s spot, next to Amber, who saw him, but said nothing.

 

“I didn’t expect to see you here.” Jaejoong said.

 

“I have two same classes with Kai.” Amber replied without looking at him.

 

Jaejoong hummed. “I’m here for you.”

 

Amber snorted.

 

Jaejoong put both of his hand on the table, caged Amber, made her trapped between the table and the man. Amber tried to stay away from Jaejoong’s body, but her back already touched the table. She didn’t want to look scared so she looked back to Jaejoong. She could see his black eyes reflected the lights, almost scarily dark.

 

“I apologize for my stupidity. You may believe me or not, but I really do love you, Amber. And I will make you believe. I will make you mine.” Jaejoong said, and Amber could feel every breath on her lips.

 

“And what? After you make me believe, you’ll leave again?” Amber talked back.

 

Amber looked at him right in the eye. And somehow he felt weak. Jaejoong leaned away and moved backwards, covered his face in his palm and took a deep breath. “No, that’s what I wanna say, stupid me…” he mumbled.

 

Amber shifted in her seat, looked at Jaejoong confusedly.

 

“Amber, I understand if you hate me, okay. I even hate myself too. But I just can’t help but realize that I just can’t without you. Every night I regret- I mean… even… in the morning too…” he stuttered.

 

And Amber found him in a different light. Not confident Jaejoong, but another different side of him. That childish side of him that she saw when they were shopping together. The clueless, funny, easy going and spoiled little boy who was trapped in a body of adult.

 

“Shit, Amber,… you make me like this…” Jaejoong looked at her desperately. “You know what, I’ll- I should’ve thought what I want to say... I’ll get back to you.” He walked away.

 

Amber’s eyes followed the man steps, but it wasn’t until four steps that he turned around and came to her again.

 

“Amber, I-“

 

Amber waited.

 

Jaejoong gulped and closed his eyes. He opened them and looked at the woman in front of her. “Please give me another chance. Please. I don’t know if I would screw it again, but please… please…”

 

“What if I don’t want to give it to you?”

 

“Then I’ll go-“ Jaejoong sighed. “No. I will keep chasing you.”

 

“Then I don’t really have a chance, right?” Amber lifted her shoulder, took a gulp from the bottle.

 

It took some time until Jaejoong could process what Amber said. Until he realized that… he actually could. That she let him.

 

_“This is the first time I see him like that,” Yoochun caressed Amber’s hair softly. “And the first time I see you like this.”_

_Amber just looked at him._

_“Maybe he really does love you sincerely.”_

 

Jaejoong smiled before hugged her tight.

 

Amber squealed in surprised because suddenly, again, she trapped. With Jaejoong around him. A small smile crept out from her lips as she let Jaejoong swayed them back and forth happily, she could hear him let out a relieved sigh.

 

“Oppa, my stomach hurts,”

 

“Wha- what’s wrong?” Jaejoong asked, he gripped Amber’s arm and looked at her warily.

 

“Just- when you hugged me, the beer bottle is pushing to my…” Amber showed the bottle in her hand.

 

“Ha!” Jaejoong chuckled. “Thank god it was a bottle, I thought it was your erection pushing against my chest- OOW!... yeah Amber, just so you know I’ll love you even if you’re  a man.”

 

 

*

 

 

“We should keep in touch,” Yunho said to Kai when they were talking in the terrace.

 

Kai just smiled at him. Sometimes, it just hurt when Yunho being unreasonably nice to him. Because Kai knew that he was nothing special. That Yunho was kind to everybody with no exception. But on top of all that, he could never have Yunho.

 

But at least, he thought, that he got to leave. Was it a good thing? Or bad thing?

 

“Isn’t it feels good o be back? You can meet your friends again. And your family.” Yunho put his hand on Kai shoulder. “Don’t you miss them?”

 

“Yeah…” Kai said after a while. “It’s… okay.”

 

Yunho frowned. “Something wrong?”

 

Kai just looked straight to the dark night. There weren’t much of stars. And he quietly counted them to distract his mind but he just couldn’t. “Nothing. I mean… I’m gonna miss everyone here too.”

 

“We will miss you too, Kai,” Yunho squezzed his shoulder. “And you’re so kind to me. I won’t forget that.”

 

 _I won’t forget you too, Hyung_. “Me too.”

 

“It’s getting late...” Yunho took a look at the sky. “What time is your flight tomorrow?”

 

“It’s okay. It’s in the afternoon. I’m meeting my sister first in Japan then we’ll go home together.”

 

 

*

 

 

Yunho already said that he shouldn’t but Jaejoong insisted to walk him home. ‘What if you got mugged?!’

 

But then they spotted a tall man in front of Yunho’s apartment lobby, that made Jaejoong said goodbye to him, in a hurry because he was going to get Amber and took her home.

 

Changmin didn’t realize Yunho was there until he heard his crutches knocked the floor.

 

Yunho could see him, sitting there alone, waiting. His big chocolate eyes dropped a bit, maybe tired or sleepy. His lips didn’t form a smile, and Yunho wondered if Changmin felt sad. Or worried.

 

“Hey,”

 

“Hi.” Changmin stood up and absentmindedly straightened his shirt and cleared his throat. He looked as he was going to say something, but then said nothing.

 

So Yunho took the initiative. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Yeah… I was looking for you. But you’re not home.”

 

“You didn’t text me?”

 

Changmin bit his lip. “I should’ve.”

 

Yunho nodded. And waited. “So?”

 

“It’s… over. Between me and Julien.” Changmin said slowly.

 

“Oh,” Yunho couldn’t say he was surprised. But he didn’t expect that either.

 

“I just thought that I… I should let you know.”

 

Yunho hummed.

 

Changmin’s head bowed down but his eyes were into Yunho’s.

 

Changmin looked like a little lost boy and Yunho kinda wanted to protect and keep him for himself. “Do you want to come upstairs?”

 

The younger man looked at him and smiled. Lips curving, eyes mismatched, and sparkling, and Yunho felt that he was home. Changmin closed the distance between them, cupped Yunho’s cheeks and kissed him.

 

It was exhilarating. Like they remembered how to breathe again, and their lungs filled with fresh air. It was like coming back to life after a long sleep. Found their lost half. Another soul that made them felt complete.

 

Yunho let go of his crutches and wrapped his arms around Changmin’s waist, and held the back of his neck, and Changmin deepened the kiss. The kiss wasn’t long, but they had a hard time letting go of each other’s embrace.

 

Until finally, Yunho let go, and awkwardly looked around to people who pretended to not see what just happened. Changmin bent down to hide his face and took Yunho’s crutches as excuse.

 

Changmin was holding onto Yunho’s jacket when they were walking to the elevator.

 

Yunho looked at him amusedly. “What are you doing?”

 

“Well… because I can’t… hold your hand…” Changmin’s voice was small.

 

Yunho chuckled and gave Changmin his left crutch. The younger didn’t understand but held it anyway. With his free left hand, Yunho offered his hand. “Here,”

 

Changmin bit his lip so he wouldn’t grin stupidly. “I… always wanted to do this,” His hand felt kinda sweaty and he should’ve wiped it before Yunho held his hand. “But you’re… with that Kai.”

 

“He’s helped me a lot,” Yunho said. “He’s a nice kid.”

 

Changmin just hummed.

 

“Are you jealous?” Yunho asked teasingly, as he could read Changmin’s mind.

 

Changmin didn’t answer.

 

“I admit that I’m jealous when you were with Julien.” Yunho added.

 

“But you did nothing about-“

 

“Well what should I do? He protected you… and… made you happy.” Yunho shrugged, frowned a bit. “We’re here.”

 

Changmin watched Yunho stepped ahead when the elevator door opened, and before the man was out, he hugged him from behind. “Not as happy as when I’m with you.”

 

Yunho breathed out.

 

“I knew from Jae Hyung that you’re going to Kai’s party tonight and you don’t know how grateful I am when I find out that you’re not going home with him.”

 

“What? No, Min, we don’t have that kind of-“

 

“Yes, I know!” Changmin cut him, tightened his hold. “But… even if that happened, I’d still be waiting, you know.”

 

Yunho caressed Changmin’s hand on his stomach. “Or, you could go there and take me home with you.”

 

Changmin nuzzled the back of Yunho’s neck. “I now understand how you felt towards Julien. I feel it too towards Kai.”

 

“But we don’t have to anymore, do we?” Yunho turned and looked at Changmin softly. “Come on, somebody’s gonna use this elevator soon.” He pushed the button and they went out.

 

“Hey,” Changmin held Yunho’s hand tight. “I love you, you know.”

 

“I know.” Yunho said, eyes gentle and bright. “I love you too.”

 

 

*

 

 

Yoochun’s eyebrows furrowed.

 

“Hyung~ stop it…” Junsu almost whined.

 

Yoochun checked the watch in Jaejoong’s wrist. “They had been like that for almost ten minutes.”

 

“Don’t they need to breathe?” Junsu asked.

 

The couple watched in amazement but also felt confused at the same time to Yunho, who had Changmin legs on his lap while they were eating each other mouths. Changmin’s arms went around Yunho’s shoulder and Yunho’s were caressing the younger’s face.

 

“Ugh,” Yoochun almost said, ‘disgusting’, but he did that with Junsu too.

 

“Okay! I’m finished! Going now!” Jaejoong lifted up his laptop and stood up.

 

“Where are you going, Hyung?” Junsu asked Jaejoong who was busy with his things.

 

“Meeting Amber! I’m gonna show her this song I wrote for her…” Jaejoong said, fumbling with charger cables for his laptop.

 

“She’s going here.” Yoochun said. “I’m meeting with her.”

 

“You- you’re meeting with her?” Jaejoong stilled.

 

Yoochun hummed. “We’re buying present and cake for Umma’s birthday.”

 

“Oh…” Jaejoong sat back slowly and cleared his throat. His eyes wandered here and there, got somehow annoyed with the couple beside him. “Yah! Enough!”

 

Yunho’s giggle was muffled to Changmin’s mouth.

 

Jaejoong tsked and pulled back Yunho’s collar but Changmin followed him. Jaejoong covered Yunho’s mouth with his hand but Changmin went to his neck and Junsu laughed.

 

“You’re making out in public!” Jaejoong smacked Changmin’s head.

 

“So what?” Changmin looked at Jaejoong, and his lips felt kinda numb but when he saw Yunho’s red lips, he couldn’t help but wanted more.

 

Jaejoong hissed and put himself between the couple, separated them from each other, sat beside Yunho and yanked Changmin’s legs away from Yunho’s lap.

 

“What’s your problem?” Changmin protested.

 

Yunho took a deep breath, admitted that he was a bit out of air. “He just hasn’t kissed Amber yet.”

 

Junsu’s eyes widened. “Really?”

 

Yoochun tried not to look interested.

 

 “Aww… poor you, Hyung!” Changmin laughed. “You two haven’t kissed yet? How long have you been dating anyway?”

 

Jaejoong huffed. “We’re not even dating.” He almost whined.

 

Yoochun looked confused. “But she said to me that she-“ he stopped. “Um. Nothing.”

 

Jaejoong itched to ask but keep his mouth shut.

 

Junsu took some pity on him. “She likes you Hyung, so no worry,” he patted Junsu’s hand.

 

Amber came, and they were leaving. Junsu was going with them, and Jaejoong pouted like a kicked puppy, until finally Amber asked if he wanted come along, which of course, a yes.

 

Changmin took Yunho to his apartment and offered a piggyback ride because the elevator was in maintenance.

 

“No, Minnie, I’m fine.” Yunho refused. “I can use my legs again!”

 

“Yes, but you can’t tire yourself.” Changmin already showed his back to Yunho. “Come on up!”

 

“Min-“

 

“Yunho, you piggybacked me a lot back then. Why can’t I return the favor?”

 

Yunho smiled. “Okay. Come here.”

 

Changmin lowered himself and let Yunho climbed his back. Almost suddenly regretted his offer. “You’re heavy.”

 

“Put me down.” Yunho wiggled.

 

“No, no! Just- stay still.” Changmin started to walk.

 

Yunho tsked. “Oh, Min, this is embarrassing.”

 

“Shut up.” Changmin cut him. “Love.” He quickly added.

 

Yunho scoffed. “I can’t dance, means no exercise while I’m still injured. Nothing burns my calories.”

 

“That explains it.” Changmin said as he climbed the stairs.

 

Yunho said nothing, didn’t want to ruin Changmin’s concentration and felt bad at the same time when he saw the sweat run down the younger man’s temple. When they arrived, Changmin fell to the couch and Yunho brought him a bottle of water from the refrigerator, and massaged his legs.

 

Changmin drank the water and it took some time while he could breath normally again. “Move back in with me?”

 

“I don’t know…” Yunho shrugged. “I kinda like my place, you know.”

 

“Oh, I’ve seen that pigsty-“

 

“Hey!”

 

“Then what, you want me to move in to your place?”

 

Yunho acted as if he was thinking hard. “I… don’t know, Min,” he looked at the other man playfully. “I think I like being alone. Can you somehow change my mind?”

 

Changmin snorted and took Yunho’s hands. “Yunho, my soulmate, my love, my other half,”

 

Yunho kept nodding along while the smile of happiness crept out from his lips.

 

“I will make you breakfast every morning. Hug you every night when we’re sleeping. And I may add, I keep our apartment clean too. So why dammit why don’t you fucking move in with me already!?”

 

Yunho laughed. “I’ll do it, I’ll do it,” he leaned in to give Changmin a peck. “My prince,” he added as he bowed down.

 

Changmin laughter filled the room and he let Yunho kissed him some more.

 

 

*

 

 

Kai forgot to take out the iPod from his bag. He stood up to take it from the overhead bin, but the stewardess pushed it to the back and he couldn’t reach it.

 

He almost cursed when suddenly a tall man behind him reached out and took the bag for him.

 

“Thank you,” Kai mumbled, turned around to see… the man’s chest. He was really tall. He looked up to realize that this man was a foreigner and he repeated his thank you in English.

 

“You’re welcome,” he replied, in Korean, and Kai smiled. “17D, here?”

 

“Ah, yes,” Kai moved aside to let the man went to his seat, which was beside him. He put his bag back and sat next to the man, pitied him a little because the distance between the seats was too little for his long legs.

 

“Are you from Japan?” the man asked.

 

“No, actually I’m visiting a family.” Kai answered.

 

“Oh, me too.”

 

Kai eyes widened. “So… you’re Japanese?”

 

“Well, no. My parents are in Japan now.” He said. “I’m Julien by the way.”

 

“I’m Kai.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for keeping up with me till the end!  
> & for ur support & nice comments, i really am grateful for it :D
> 
> hope the ending is good enough cos i'm distracted with shits & work lately ;l
> 
> & hey, cud u tell me who is the girl u let to be with your oppas if Yunho & Changmin weren't with each other? or maybe ur favourite is JYJ, which girl do you like to be with them? or are u such a possesive little cassie that would rather one of them is a transgender?? XP i kinda want to make a fic with a girl in the pairing, so... please do suggest me the character :') thanks a lot <3


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